No Offence

There's a new guy asleep in the bunk above mine when I go back into the hostel this morning. I try to get my things quietly so as not to wake him, but he sits bolt upright in bed and says WHAT TIME IS IT? nearly hitting his head off the ceiling.

"Almost noon," I say. "Are you jet lagged?"

"No," he says, rubbing his eyes. "Just lazy."

He reaches out a hand to introduce himself and I take the opportunity to interview him. He's from Quebec, he tells me, his name is Will, and he lives with Buddhist monks in a monastery a couple of hours outside of Beijing. He's been up there in the mountains all winter, but today is the day of their road trip so he decided to get a lift. He wanted a warm room and a hot shower for a couple of days. And now here he is.

"Monks go on road trips?" I ask, dubious.

"Yeah," he says, laughing off my cynicism. "Road trips to the book market. You want to go for some lamb stew?"

I do want to go for some lamb stew, but I don't entirely trust him. He looks about 25. Why the hell would he leave his home in Quebec to live with monks in a monastery outside of Beijing?

"Alright," I shrug, putting on my coat and deciding to keep my belongings firmly on me at all times.

* * *

It's totally acceptable to eat lamb stew in China by holding the bowl up to your face and using your chopsticks to shovel the noodles into your mouth as fast as you can. In fact, says Will, if you don't eat like that they might think you don't like it. He calls out to a waitress and orders something else, entirely in Mandarin.

I'm still curious as to how he ended up here, so I continue to quiz him. It doesn't take long to come out: he'd had his heart broken once, of course, by a Chinese girl he met in Montreal. She'd taken Canada in the divorce and now here he is, trapped for all eternity in Beijing. It wasn't until he learnt to meditate that he began to get over it, he says. The monks helped him.

"This your first time in China?" he asks.

"It's my first time in Asia," I admit, less defensive now that I know he's a broken-hearted human being. "I haven't travelled all that much."

"No offence," says Will, offending me. "But I can tell."

"I've been to Memphis," I say, indignant. "Rolled up around midnight all by myself!"

"Alright," he laughs, draining the last dregs from his stew. "Don't worry, it's not your demeanour. It's just that you already told me you'd hired a guide for Beijing."