Annie Rhiannon

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I will never be taken for a foreigner in a supermarket again

The trouble with being in a foreign country is that sooner or later you just can't put it off any longer and you have to go to the supermarket. I know, I know, 'going to the supermarket in a foreign country': a fun experience if you're on holiday with your friends when you can wander up the aisles together giggling at chocolate bars called 'Boobies' or whatever. But when you're on your own and are trying very, very hard to not look like a foreigner, well, then it is just a nightmare. I have to concentrate so hard on appearing 'local' and 'nonplussed'* that I inevitably end up coming away with a trolley full of things I don't need or even like by mistake. Like sardines.

I have some kind of phobia, I think, after a particularly upsetting foreigner-in-a-supermarket experience I had in Reykjavik. I was minding my own business comparing two kinds of sardines when a nice-looking woman tapped me on the shoulder. I was rather pleased about this because hardly anyone ever tapped me on the shoulder in Iceland. I got a little over-excited, I suppose, and thought that perhaps she was about to ask me to be her new best friend – or at least invite me round for dinner.

'Hallo,' I said, warmly – which is the Icelandic for 'hello'.

'Where can I find the toilet paper?' she said.

'Uh, I don't know, because uh, I don't work here...' I stammered back.

'Oh my god,' she cried, aghast. 'Are you... are you a foreigner?'

And then she dropped her basket, gathered up her skirts, and ran screaming from the canned-food aisle while I stood there blinking after her, a tin of sardines in each hand and a lump forming in the back of my throat.

It is for this reason that my first sentences in Flemish include things like: 'two bags please', 'do you take Visa', 'where can I find the tinned fish', and 'very sorry but I don't work here'. No, I will never be taken for a foreigner in a supermarket again.

*I don't mean 'nonplussed'. I don't know what i mean, actually, but you know what I mean, right?

24 comments:

  1. Once, while in Japan, a small child followed me up and down the sardine-filled aisles staring until I turned around and said hello in my friendliest, barely-foreign-at-all Japanese. "It speaks!" she squealed and ran quick-smart into her mother's skirts, who then fired me a look that accused me of not only being foreign, but foreign-and-child-molesting, and also promised a yakuza-type-revenge should I, or any other foreigner, address her child in the future. Morto. Absolutely morto.

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  2. Morto, yes, that is morto.

    I am still too morto to talk about my morto foreigner Belgian experiences at the moment, that's why I have to dig up old Icelandic ones for the time being.

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  3. I've always wondered if they call Brussels sprouts 'Brussels sprouts' in Belgium. Can you ask, next time you're in the supermarket?

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  4. Weird, I never made the connection between Brussels-the-city and brussels-the-sprouts. Yes, I will ask a passer-by.

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  5. Anonymous11.3.09

    This reminds me of a former friend way back when, a new-English-teacher-on-the-block who overcame his foreigner-in-the-supermarket-shyness to ask for "mermelada sin preservativos", a request that was met with great hilarity from the supermarket ladies.

    (Of course, "preservativo" in Spanish doesn't exactly mean "preservative", but rather "condom" in English.
    So all along, he had been earnestly asking for condom-free marmalade!!):)
    Morto doesn't even begin to describe how he felt when he found out...:)

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  6. At least with Lidl and Aldi EVERYWHERE in Ireland there is a similarity for when you're shopping on the continent...

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  7. hehe hilarious - when I first arrived here they always used to fox me by asking at the till if I was collecting their latest stamps for some stupid promotion - there was ALWAYS a new word involved giving away my identity. I think Brussel Sprouts are just 'spruitjes' by the way, at least in NL anyways and don't forget that Beligium is NL Lite :-) (don't tell them I said that).

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  8. Ha! Touche, as they say in France.

    Annie, enjoy the Boobies.

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  9. "giggling at chocolate bars called 'Boobies' or whatever"

    I have to put a vote in for Semtex drink.

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  10. On the plus side, a trolley full of sardines, specifically tesco sardines, will only set you back about a tenner.

    I feel like a racist for visualising the woman as bjork.

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  11. Hee hee, I know what you mean about foreign supermarkets, so far I've spent the last week or so in South America trying not to look like I don't have a clue what I'm doing, what I'm looking for or what the hell I'm going to eat for the next week!

    I did accidentally order tripe for lunch yesterday which was a bit of a revelation, especially as I had to force it down while everybody else around me was saying how lovely it was... Tripe... Yum yum...

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  12. Oh yeah, tripe. My then-bf ordered tripe at a restaurant in Italy last year; it was disgusting, there is no other word for it. And I am not someone who is fussy or easily grossed-out about food.

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  13. A pedant writes: I think you were aiming to look not nonplussed - er, plussed?

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  14. "Do you take Visa" must get you a long way

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  15. Ha! I thought 'taken for a foreigner in the supermarket' was some sort of Sid James-esque bawdy euphemism.

    Sigh, how wrong can you be?

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  16. First time in a Danish supermarket was my weirdest supermarket experience. Just couldn't work out what anything was.

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  17. chendaberry14.3.09

    i reckon you mean non-fazed. that is all.

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  18. NONCHALANT!

    That's what you meant. It's been bugging me for days.

    Of course, the most morto thing is when you try to squeeze out a pitiful phrase in Thai/Japanese/Flemish/Icelandic/Swahili/whatever and the other person looks at you with a slightly pained expression, then responds in elegant, idiomatic English that is only one of the 16 languages s/he speaks fluently.

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  19. When I was 14 and working a local self-service supermarket (classy Saturday job with nice nylon static-inducing serving coat) I once showed an old lady to the household section and forced a tin of Pledge on her until I realised she was asking me if I was Polish - not asking for polish. It took so much effort.

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  20. I just read this (finally), logged on for the sole purpose of posting "nonchalant", and then found that Tim had beaten me to it. But after all the effort of logging into Google I figured I'd post it anyway.

    I get occasionally flustered about the 'rules' in Australian supermarkets even after shopping there frequently since 1994. I am always afraid of breaking one of the mysterious 'rules' when I am travelling.

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  21. NONCHALANT!

    I am never again writing a post without looking up every word on dictionary dot com

    thank you

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  22. Conan Drumm: In Belgium, Brussels sprouts are "sprouts." And Belgian waffles are "waffles."

    In Brazil, Brazil nuts are called "nuts."

    In France, French fries are called "Pommes Frites." Go figure.

    Annie, the key to never being mistaken for a foreigner is to learn one simple phrase in the language of wherever you plan to visit: "I can eat glass - it doesn't hurt me." They'll figure you're a local. An insane local... but a local nonetheless. It works!

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  23. あなたの精神年齢を占ってみよう！当サイトは、みんなの「精神年齢度」をチェックする性格診断のサイトです。精神年齢度には、期待以上の意外な結果があるかも？？興味がある方はぜひどうぞ

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  24. メル友募集3.7.09

    今まで同い年や年下としか付き合ったことなくて疲れてしまいました…優しくリードしてくれるような大人の男性に憧れます。　ayu-cha@docomo.ne.jpよかったらメールしてみてください。

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