I think it might be time to go home soon

In a Mexican bar at lunchtime I teach the barman how to make hot whiskeys. I'm dying here, hombre! He says if I come back later they'll teach me how to drink tequila. Tell 'em Jesus sent ya. I actually hate tequila — I hate it with all my heart and soul — but anything is better than sneezing around town with no particular place to go.

Learning how to drink tequila involves a man called Felix pouring me shots and me not puking. Luckily, halfway through the lesson, I get kidnapped by a couple of girls from Austin and get away with not doing anymore drinking. I have an idea! Let's get up on the bar, let's tear it up! I love these Austin girls, with their bangs and their tats and their cowboy hats. This is how we did it in Nashville, cowgirls. But the bouncers don't care how we did it in Nashville, apparently. No more getting up on that bar, ya hear me? C'mon ladies, let's skip town. Y'know everyone's gonna be in tears once we've left.

Hey! I say, squaring up to a doorman and poking him in the chest. Have you ever seen a whole town cry?

No, ma'am, he laughs. But you have, I'll bet.

Nope, I say, skipping off down the street. It only ever happens after I've left.