When is this awful phase going to end?

In an attempt to take my mind off things, I have fallen in love seven times in the past seven weeks. Seven times. If my calculations are correct, that's a man for every week — although all of it has been unrequited, of course. When will this rebound phase draw to an end?

Week 1: The Silver Fox
I meet my first rebound crush at a party, because that's what happens when you're single: you start getting invited to parties again. He is prematurely grey and so I call him 'The Silver Fox'. He likes that. We make tentative plans to go out that never quite materialise, and I have to remind myself that 'prematurely grey' was a bit generous of me anyway, hey.

Week 2: Batman
To take my mind off The Silver Fox, I fall head over heels for an old classmate who has a thing for Batman comics. In a bid to win his affection I decide to go to the school reunion dressed up in a Robin costume. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" worries Jenna. "What if he spurns your advances? Could you really handle rejection right now dressed from head to toe in a Robin costume?". I understand her concerns, but I'm determined to carry on regardless, and later I find myself having to handle rejection dressed from head to toe in a Robin costume.

Week 3: The Actor
At work I have to show a handsome young actor how to use a quill and ink. He is the most charming and perfect-looking creature I have ever seen and as soon as he walks into my little studio my cheeks burn red. The next day, as I hurry through the set, he throws me a little nod as if to say, 'Hey, I know you, you're the ink girl' and I nearly drop my bundle of 16th century scrolls. I decide that having a crush on an actor is too dangerous for the workplace, and so I convince myself that actually he is in love with me. The next time we pass I throw him a casual little nod and then walk right on by, knowing that the mere sight of me flops his stomach over like a big wet fish.

Week 4: The Intellectual
The actor, being an actor, manages to hide his feelings for me well, and so I move on to fall for a guy that I sometimes chat to online — when he uses the word 'aplomb' in an MSN conversation and I mistake him for an intellectual. This is it! I think, giddily. He's The One! Later, I am both disappointed and relieved to find his MySpace page, where it clearly states that he is 'in a relationship'. I'm disappointed, of course, that The One has already been taken; but relieved because having a MySpace page proves he wasn't really an intellectual after all.

Week 6: The Reader
I mention to Jenna that her friend, Cormac, is kind of cute, and in a fit of goodwill she fixes it so we all end up having a drink together. He has been book-shopping that afternoon, and turns up with a copy of something by Steinbeck that he's been meaning to re-read for many years. "Cormac, you like books!" exclaims Jenna, tactfully. "Annie likes books too!". "No I don't!" I huff, indignant that someone has once again mistaken me for a reader just because I'm good at spelling. "I hate books! The last book I liked was by Marian Keyes!". Cormac and I don't really hit it off and we never meet up again.

Week 7: The Weatherman
Through another well-meaning friend, I end up going for drinks with a weatherman from an obscure cable television channel. I can't decide if like him for his looks and personality or if I'm just dazzled by his celebrity. While I'm trying to make my mind up, my well-meaning friend snogs him by mistake in the back seat of his Volvo and I decide sulkily that yes, I did like him for his looks and personality after all.