There was a Chinese man in the queue ahead of me at the driving theory centre today, holding up his identification as the receptionist scrutinises his passport photo.
"Is this really you?" she asks him, dubiously.
"Er... yes?" he replies, not sure what else to say. He takes his glasses off and stands there while she glances uncertainly from his passport to his face, until eventually she relents and lets him through to take his test.
"It's just that they all look the same, don't they?" she confides in me, sighing.
I wonder if they do. If they did, then surely she wouldn't have questioned his passport photo in the first place — whether it was really him or whether it was his identical mate, desperate to be a Dublin taxi driver. But I don't say anything; just give her a conspiratorial little smile as if to say that I understand exactly what she means, and she waves me on through to the little booth.
The test is relatively easy, but when I come out the man behind the desk checks my results and grimaces.
"Did you actually study the CD for this then, Annie?" he asks, shaking his head regretfully.
He is bluffing, I know it. Of course I studied the CD — I have two essays to write and I will procrastinate in any way that I can. I've been doing nothing but memorising bloody road signs and stopping distances for the last day and a half. I reckon I probably got 39 questions right and the one I got wrong was the one about a "clutch" — whatever that is. But this is his joke and I'm not going to ruin it for him.
"Yes... yes, I did study the CD," I stutter, confused, letting the blood drain from my face.
"Well, I'm sorry to tell you... it's a good job you did, because you passed!" he exclaims, breaking out into a chuckle.
I let out my breath in relief, put a hand over my chest, and am vaguely impressed by my own acting skills. Then I look at my results. I got 39 questions right and the one I got wrong was something about a "clutch" — whatever that is. But this was the easy bit; the hard bit, I suppose, is actually learning how to drive a car.
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Well done! The next part will be no problem to you either!
ReplyDeletecongratulations! The road test will be fine.
ReplyDeleteYay you! One bonus of being older is that I got away with all that boring stuff and straight onto learning how to control a ton of metal and glass in public.
ReplyDeleteConfidence is key, you'll be great :)
Well done.
ReplyDeleteLearning to drive a car is easy. Learning to drive it the way 'the man' wants me to drive it, is proving extremely difficult.
Don't make friends with the clutch is my tip. It'll only mess you around.
You're BRILLIANT!! Is that too pretentious a word to use for passing a driving test? You're brilliant in every way-loved the story...what wit!
ReplyDeleteWell done you! And learning to drive in Dublin is a hoot. Just don't do what I did and book your first three lessons after work in rush hour traffic. The first one aged me about ten years...
ReplyDeleteCongratz. And if you study and continue to buy an automatic, you won't even have to know what a clutch is ;)
ReplyDelete(don't know how it is in Ireland, but around here it's actually mandatory to study on a stick shift. Not so in the USA)
Congratulations Annie! Oh, and driving's the easy bit judging by the crazed young men I see on the roads every day. All you have to do is ease the old motor up to sixty, then just barge along cutting everyone up like fuck and giving them the two fingers if they don't like it.
ReplyDeleteyou think a clutch is confusing now, wait 'til you try to operate one. i passed my theory test with flying colors and never cracked a book and then passed my road test with flying colors (in an automatic transmission) after only 2 of the "mandatory" 6 instruction lessons. I was 16. That was 13 years ago, and i STILL can't figure out the cunting clutch!
ReplyDeleteI cheat and drive an automatic, though I CAN drive a geared car. I'm just glad I missed the days of double de-clutching.
ReplyDeleteWell done on the theory test! Now for the dangerous part ...
Ah, you'll be fine. ;)
...and the Oscar goes to...(shuffling of paper as the envelope is opened by trembling hands) Annie Rhiannon for her performance in "Driver's Education: A Girl's Tale"
ReplyDeleteOh, and BTW: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clutch
Congratulations, Annie. Excellent score.
ReplyDeleteYou made me think about the ‘all look the same thing’. It would be a funny old world if certain races or subcultures did literally all look the same. But they were actually different. Just identical. Why, the dramatic possibilities are endless. Thank you for giving me that thought. I enjoyed it.
You're a traitor to the pedestrian class! (But we still love you.)
ReplyDeleteOf course, the correct response to "Is this really you?" is "No, shit-for-brains, it's a pictorial representation of me, haven't you read Foucault on Magritte?"
But I suppose he wanted to pass.
And maybe he was uncertain of the accurate pronunciation of 'Foucault'.
Hey Annie. Thanks for the linky! I feel like I've made it into circular hall of fame!
ReplyDeleteJ.
Hey ... at 33 i'm only on the road about 4 weeks myself. The best part for me is ........a whole new way to enjoy my fave music. No-ones ever gonna want a lift from me!
ReplyDeleteBravo, Annie! I'm sure you'll do fine with the actual driving. Just take a deep breath before you start, and take it one inch at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently teaching my 17-year-old to drive and so am going through all this road sign stuff with her. I'm sorry to say that she's actually educating me, and I've been driving for, oh, 25 years. She has more clutch problems than me, though.
Ah, man, I can't drive either. And I'm moving to L.A. this summer where everyone HAS to drive apparently. I'm so scared by the idea of having to learn.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is so funny! and modivating for lazy bloggers:D You really made my day:D
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your supportive and encouraging comments. The next step is more complicated than I thought, as I have to get a provisional license before I can get lessons, which means I have to do stuff like "get two passport pictures". This shit can take months.
ReplyDeleteGimme, I am cheering you on wildly from the sidelines. Best of luck.
Ali: Congrats! I remember when I met you you were gearing up for your test. Good to hear you're driving now, it gives me great hope.
Red: Maybe you should learn a bit before you get there. LA roads have, like, 12 lanes, so I hear.
Well done on the pass, but I can't help wondering what other careers the guy behind the desk may have narrowly avoided?
ReplyDeleteDr: Well, I'm sorry to tell you... you're going to... live!
Vicar: I'm sorry to tell you... you're now husband and wife.
Policeman: Are you the next of kin for doggy fido... I'm sorry to tell you... your dog's not dead!
Ah, never a fun game the old pretend to have not passed...
Cool blog!
ReplyDeleteI messed up the question about looking over my shoulder before putting on the indicator, stupid question.. I got all the stopping distances and height of tires right!
I am now in mexico driving no clutch cars and boy is it easier, aside from an unfortunate tendency to occaisionally forget which pedal my foot is currently on.. the stop or the go faster one