Annie Rhiannon

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Somebody is trying to kill me

I unlocked my bike in Stoneybatter at the weekend only to find that my brake cable had been cut in half. What?! Why would anybody want to cut my brake cable?

I sink down onto the kerb as the enormity of the situation envelops me. Somebody is trying to kill me! But who? I don't have any enemies, do I? Unless it's somebody I've offended on my blog? Hmm, no. The only people I offend on my blog are my parents — and it wouldn't have been... could it have been? Surely... surely not? No! I erase the thought from my mind almost as soon as it enters. They would never do a thing like that!

I cycle home very, very slowly that day, pondering the situation. When I get in, Bjarni points out that it's not my brake cable that's been snipped, it's my gear cable. Oh. They vandalised my gears? That doesn't seem half as brutal. Somebody trying to make it harder for me to cycle up Gardiner Street isn't nearly as menacing as somebody wanting me dead.

I cheer up again later on, though, when Al points out that the crooks, being crooks, are probably quite stupid and actually meant to cut the brake cable — which means somebody really is trying to kill me, after all. Huzzah.

19 comments:

  1. at least you still have a bike... mine was stolen.

    [pretend huff - hated cycling]

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  2. I've had two stolen, both in Reykjavik, funnily enough, considering there is no crime whatsoever in Reykjavik.

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  3. Whew, that's a relief. I'd hate to think you sank down on the kerb like that for nothing.

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  4. I bet it was that blog that won that thing that you should have won.

    It's a blog hate blog world when there's awards at stake.

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  5. It was probably some trainee drug pusher building up a supply of gear.

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  6. "I cheer up again later on, though, when Al points out that ...somebody really is trying to kill me, after all. Huzzah.
    I'll take Things I Never Thought I'd Read for 500, Ales.

    I've had two stolen, both in Reykjavik, funnily enough, considering there is no crime whatsoever in Reykjavik.
    I KNOW you see the humor and irony of that statement.

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  7. *giggles*

    I love my readers.

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  8. you are quite the twit my dear- which is why i keep visiting.

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  9. Maybe they're quite exceptionally fuckwitted, tried to nick it, and thought they were cutting through the padlock chain.

    Although this means that if they were trying to kill you, they'd do the lock, then feel obliged to steal the bike.

    Maybe they'd do both, nick it, and die when the brakes didn't work.

    Or maybe they were trying some sort of Flann O'Brien-type experiment with mutant beings that were half-bike, half-thick-robber. And it went wrong.

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  10. I have nothing funny to say, I miss stoneybatter like mad, and gardner street. No places of character like that in Monaco I can assure you. Mind you I don't suppose the cable just snapped because it was too tight by anychance? I know it completely takes the mystery away but you could blame God I suppose...that would be pretty freaky,,,God wants you dead........hmmm

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  11. You're in Monaco and you miss Gardiner Street? Oh my god. Gardiner Street makes me miss Monaco, and I've never even been there.

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  12. Try not to take it personal, like. The 'batter is just like that. Our car door used to be forced regularly overnight, and someone would just...sit...in the drivers seat, have an auld rifle through the glove compartment and then be on their way, kindly shutting the door after them. Oh and it was also keyed, and had a windscreen wiper housing ripped off.

    Lovely.

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  13. Now are you quite sure that those 2 bikes in Reykjavik really were stolen and didn't, say, just leave home?

    First time I broke a gear cable was in the hills around Llangollen - god how I missed Gardiner Street.

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  14. Kirstie is right, one mustn't take things personally. Once I came home to the 'batter and found my car, admittedly a very very small one, had been lifted onto the kerb and placed across the footpath in front of the Hot Brazilian's house next door. They hadn't even bothered to try breaking into it, see? Is vandalism with a special twist, yknow, like cutting the gear cable instead of the brake cable.

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  15. Hello Fiona. How weird... I just started a Scrabble game with you, just this very second. Well, maybe it's not that weird. I am working, honest.

    Anyway, yes, I actually was quite relieved that nothing worse had happened, considering I'd left it tied up there for a week.

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  16. Lucky. If you'd gone over a cliff on that bike, it would have exploded.

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  17. My friend had a tampon (unused) tied to his in teh wee hours just off Dame street one night.
    He too thought someone was out to kill him.

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  18. Okay. I've only just discovered your blog but I'm laughing so hard I have tears. I think you're going to have to be added to my blogroll (Ooops, I just typed 'bogroll' ...)

    Thanks for the laughs this morning!

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  19. Flossyla... that is making me feel ill. Oh, I just saw you said "unused". Even so.

    Thanks Jay, and hello. Welcome to the blonk :)

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