This new phenomenon they call "blogging"

I did an interview with the BBC about "blogging" last month. Presumably they'd heard about this crazy new fad via their junior interns and were keen to hear what it was all about.

Trouble is, I'm not great at this talking business. I'm never properly prepared for these things and always end up saying stuff I don't really believe, like "blogging is cool" and "no, really, it is..." or whatevs. So, in case anybody else was thinking of doing an interview with me, don't bother, here's some written thoughts instead. Perhaps you could get an actor to read it out — at least their accent will be more consistent than mine was.

What made you want to start a blog in the first place?
I liked the idea of going on and on about myself on the internet. It's like talking about yourself in the pub except you don't have to compete with the DJ.

Do you keep a private secret diary at all, or did you in the past?
No. What's the point in writing stuff if nobody's going to read it?

Are you inspired by any famous bloggers, like Petite Anglaise?
Um, do I sound like I'm inspired by Petite Anglaise? Oh dear. Well, I used to read her blog, but there's only so much earnest I can take before my head implodes. Then there's Girl with a One Track Mind: really, what's the point of a sex blogger who can't write and isn't sexy? On the other hand I like Dooce, the most famous blogger in the world — but of course I don't link to her. Really I'm just jealous of how many readers they've all got.

Who are all those faces on that funky, illustrated blog-roll?
Let me tell you something: that funky, illustrated blog-roll is nothing but trouble. I really need to update some of those links. If you think your blonk should be featuring on it, rather than all those people who abandoned us for Facebook, then drop me a line. With a picture.

Have you made any "friends" through blogging?
Yes, I've made some online friends, some of whom I've met in real life, some of whom I haven't and probably never will. It's kind of like finding pen-pals in Smash Hits only they write back to you more than once.

Are you ever embarrassed by what you've written in the past?
Not yet, but give me time. In a couple of years I expect it'll be like leafing through the awful poetry I wrote as a teenager, only all my enemies have copies.

Well, you haven't written about your rabbit in a while, are you embarrassed about that yet?
No. My friend Carrie Bradshaw taught me that it's okay to write about your dildo as long as you don't call it a "dildo". I haven't written about it in ages because it was, like, funny for five minutes and I managed to get half an hour's worth out of it.

How has blogging changed your life?
My hobbies used to be "getting drunk" and "texting", usually at the same time, but now I have all kinds of other stuff going on, like "writing stuff on the internet", "taking photos and putting them on the internet" and "pretending to be a movie-star on the internet". Seriously though, the world wide web is a great platform for creativity, and you don't need to know-somebody-who-knows-somebody to get your work published anymore.

And finally, any bloggy tips?
Keep posts shorter than this one, write regularly, and step away from your stat-counter.

Your what-counter?
It's this chart that measures how great you are.