When I first met Bjarni he was recently divorced and in the process of installing a hot-tub in the tiny bathroom of his Reykjavik apartment. Presumably he had visions of bathing groups of lithe young women in it at the weekends, but I soon put a stop to all that nonsense by insisting that we embark on an "exclusive" relationship.
This meant he wasn't allowed to see other women, he wasn't allowed to have sex with other women, and he wasn't allowed to think about other women unless they were hairier, wider, shorter, and paler than me.
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And unwittingly Annie played right into the hands of Bjarni's secret fetish for fat, bearded albino dwarf ladies.
ReplyDeleteThat just about leaves me. Watch out, Annie. I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor.
ReplyDeleteIs this post a reminder to Bjarni? ;)
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOL!!! Too funny!!!
ReplyDelete~Nate.
Didn't you see that article in the Independent about how 9 out of 10 people are fantasizing about someone other than their partner during sex?
ReplyDeleteDon't tell me. You found his stash of hobbit porn.
ReplyDelete(Thanks for backing me up, btw. And actually reading the fucking article, which is more than can be said for a few trolls.)
I saw the article in the Guardian that says it's fashionable to have seperate bedrooms these days.
ReplyDeleteTim, I started a comment on your blonk saying "God, your trolls are ignorant", but it sounded weird.
I'd like a hot tub. I have a bath but it doesn't have groups of lithe young women in it. Unless they sneak in when I'm out.
ReplyDeleteWhat? Are you mad, Annie?
ReplyDelete--------
Looking is fine as long as he doesn't touch.
Thinking is fine as long as he doesn't act on it.
Touching is fine as long as he doesn't have sex with her/him/it.
Having sex is fine as long as he loves you.
--------
I heard some very intelligent (!) women say such things as above.
Gaye: each to his (or her) own is probably an apt comment right about now. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI miss my gigantic bath tub.
That's right, Annie. Men need a firm hand.
ReplyDeleteEr ...
I can't look at those things without cringing at all the bacteria getting shared about.
ReplyDeleteI'd make a crap swinger.
Hot tubs are not exactly the best environment for a man's, um, excitement.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'. ;)
E: I've heard tell that Indians used hot baths as a primitive contraceptive. Sperm don't like high temperatures, see.
ReplyDeleteDon't think hot water does anything to the libido though...
Before anyone gets too excited (and pregnant) I guess I'll add the caveat that the hot bath trick isn't really very reliable. You have been warned!
ReplyDeleteTwo (or more, pffrt)in the shower isn't that promising either, as it does in the movies. Seriously, it is not easy to feel sexy when you can't kiss as you can't breathe through the nose alone. Hmm, I suppose eskimo kisses would work. Can't keep eyes open long enough to have meaningful eye contact. I don't know others but for me body bits occasionally touching the cold tiles and causing a minor shock is not that great of an experience either. What a big fat lie!
ReplyDeleteAnyone had managed to make it work?
Shower sex is dangerous and highly overrated. All that water and no lubrication! Pfft.
ReplyDeletereally? i love shower sex. Hairy Man and I had loads of fun in his shower. And several other people's.
ReplyDeleteNeither Pirate no I have bathroom facilities that can accomodate couples, so we have yet to add this to our repertoire.
so he's not a DUD then?
ReplyDeleteI'm not entirely sure what that is, but I have a feeling he'd like to try it.
ReplyDeleteAnd what, may I ask, is wrong with being hairy, wide, short and pale? The perfect description of a hot babe, if you ask me!!
ReplyDeleteMy lover almost drowned trying to go down on me in the shower.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'.
are you saying that you are only somewhat hairy, short, pale and wide. sorry to see you never did the tag. i know you woulda been funny.
ReplyDeletematNzc Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
ReplyDeleteULmz7g Thanks to author.
ReplyDeleteactually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
ReplyDeleteNice Article.
ReplyDelete