Annie Rhiannon

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The trouble with making shit up

My father came over for lunch yesterday, with his massive dog, Pablo, who is the size of a small horse. I guess our neighbour is a little strung out after the junkies broke in, because he came running out of his apartment as soon as he heard those massive hooves clambering up the stairs, just in time to see my dad being dragged through our little door at the top of the house.

"It's alright!" I said, suddenly worried that small horses might not be permitted inside the building. "It's just my dad and his dog, y'know, one of those, for his, er, sight..."

I gestured at my eyes, my other hand feeling about in front of me, implying that my father is blind. Why do I make this shit up? It only complicates things, and I'm sure it was no problem for Pablo to have visited for the afternoon — it's not like he was going to hold up a knife and take off with somebody's iPod nano.

But the trouble with making shit up is that you have to keep it up, otherwise you look like a liar, and who wants to look like one of those? So, later on, as my father left the house again, I carefully took his arm as if to help him down the awkward front steps.

Then I guided him across the road and straight into his Volvo, so he could drive off up the busy Dublin street, his small horse panting away in the back.

28 comments:

  1. Voice from the Village20.7.07

    Hee Hee I love it. Just say the horse was driving.

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  2. He's a true assistance dog, a real pro, he drives and all. No worries.

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  3. I've been having similar experiences out here in Porto Alegre, way down south Brazil. (not with Large Dogs, in fact but with Break Ins). Real all about it extra extra etcetera etcetera.
    Here:
    www.yydraiggoch.blogspot.com

    I made it through to the final four of Best Personal Blog of the Awards!
    (with 11 votes, gosh!)

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  4. You could have said that Pablo is your dad and the other bloke is his personal assistant.

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  5. John B20.7.07

    Cheers. I was just savouring a mouthful of sweet tea before it ended up splurted across my screen.

    J.

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  6. An actual conversation overheard between two American tourists at a road crossing in Dublin:

    Tourist 1: Why do the traffic lights make that funny beeping sound?
    Tourist 2: Oh, that's for the blind people so they know when the lights change.
    Tourist 1 (very surprised voice): So they let blind people drive in Dublin???

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  7. ^ Hee.

    Well done Alan for getting through. I hadn't seen your blog before now. There's a typo in that address you gave though...

    http://yddraiggoch.blogspot.com/

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  8. If you didn't make shit like that up you might not be providing people like me with their morning dose of laughter. Stitches, I tell you.

    And I love Tim Footman's suggestion.

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  9. That's absolutely hilarious.

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  10. Oh go on, you can dig that hole a bit more... tell the neighbour that what you meant is that your Dad is afraid of heights, that he can't look down, and that the faithful Pablo has to help everywhere there are stairs.

    Then embellish with a ghastly, near-death-experience of your Dad and Paplo on the dreaded Jervis Centre escalator...

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  11. ROFLOL!

    Do you think your dad will ever visit again?

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  12. Heehee you just made my workday!
    Brilliant, now you'll just have to keep embellishing that story. Maybe this means that you are now "Irish" since you so obviously have french-kissed the Blarney stone.

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  13. oh yeah, sorry, too many y's not enough d's.
    Beijos.

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  14. don't feel bad, luv. i understand lots of people have trouble keeping it up. it's quite common, and really nothing to worry about.

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  15. I, too, covered my keyboard in tea (white, no sugar). Ooh, you've prompted two emissions in one day, Annie, that's got to be a record. I also own a small horse. They're dead handy for putting your feet on when you're watching tv. x

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  17. This post made me laugh so much I lolled my pants.

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  18. Is your father aware of the fact that he is blind as of now?

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  19. No, he has no idea. I was very subtle.

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  20. So why's he called Pablo? Is he knocking out brilliant abstract paintings when he's finished his guide dog duties for the day?

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  21. He came with that name.

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  22. Could you just change it into a hearing dog and drop into conversation that your father is profoundly deaf with accompanying hand movements where the eye part becomes the initial flourish on the much more pronounced ear gesture, or something?

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  23. Brilliant. Or you could pretend you meant "site" - as in his archeology dig and the dog is good at sniffing stuff out? Or is that just a MUCH more complicated lie?

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  24. Or of course your dad is a copper and Pablo is his sniffer dog who might even sniff out a few unwanted junkie burglars while he's on the premises....

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  25. Everybody knows that Volvo cars are especially designed for blind people lol

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  26. You make up shit because you're a drama queen. Simple, darling. :)

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  27. Anonymous3.9.07

    Very funny stuff

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  28. Anonymous3.9.07

    Do you think you have a problem Annie? You seem like a compulsive liar. I worry about you dear.

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