"Every woman in the world thinks she's a 34C."
Who blogged that? I can't remember now, but it sprang to mind at the weekend when Bjarni offered to buy me some complicated underwear. Silky-lacy things with clips and straps that just don't look like they'd join up properly underneath my old jeans and hoodie.
"What bra-size are you?" asked the orange La Senza lady, eyeing me up and down suspiciously.
"Erm... 34C?" I guessed, randomly, not wanting to admit that I don't wear a bra at all. She squinted at my chest. Dubiously. Then she suggested I get measured up properly before trying anything on.
She was dubious, it turns out, not because she thought I was exaggerating (which I never, ever do) but because I'm actually a 32F. Thirty-two F?! How is that even possible? That's as big as Jordan, isn't it? And when I say "Jordan" I mean the Middle-Eastern country, not the English glamour model. My tits* are massive!
Next time I'm home I'm going to reliable old Marks & Spencers for a second opinion. And an uncomplicated, supportive bra.
*"It's okay for girls to say tits, it sounds all liberated and stuff. It's just a bit grubby when blokes say it. Like black people using the N word." — King Lance
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My hat is off to you, Annie! Even if the 32F calculation is inaccurate, it sounds like you're nicely put together. Good work.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't know about that. I'm a 34C.
ReplyDeleteBitch.
ReplyDelete(I mean that in the nicest possible way, obv.)
Breasts are fantastic. Congratulations on having them, ladies.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I was clear enough. There's just NO WAY that I am a 32F, no WAY. Any of my real life friends will vouch for that. I mean, Bjarni said he didn't even realise that F cups existed. (But then he would say that wouldn't he?)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't want big boobs. I want my puppy dog noses back.
Kav, you can have breasts too you know. They're called "moobs", apparently, i.e. man boobs.
I can remember as teenagers mulling over dream jobs & the sizing manager in the corsetry department always seemed to come out near the top .. whilst I would like to put that down to juvenile tomfoolery, it still has pretty much the same appeal now :)
ReplyDeleteKnowing my luck though, maybe I'd get Kav coming in for a 'moob' measurement :$
Are bra sizes similar to shoe sizes in that they are measured differently according to which country you're in?
ReplyDeleteThey should be standardised and measured in 'handfuls' anyway.
shops go on about getting yourself measured but they can be wrong. I was measured about two months ago and was told I'm a 34C, so I bought bras in that size and they just keep ejecting me.
ReplyDeleteWas remeasured and turns out I'm a 34DD. Gagh. so those bras: BINNED (and they weren't cheap, neither)
Mmmmm.... puppy dog noses...
ReplyDeleteI once went out with a girl who had quite small norks, but with freakishly large nipples. I used to be quite scared of them.
Anything more than a mouthful's waste.
ReplyDeleteOn second thoughts, it probably depends on the size of your mouth.
Quite true, Primal Sneeze.
ReplyDeleteImagine a woman married to a cougar or perhaps even a whale.
Her breasts would have to be enormous.
Bjarni just pointed out this site to me, after googling "breasts". Nice to know the internet isn't all filth.
ReplyDeleteMan-boobs are just manky though - they're no fun to play with, and women don't get the horn for them. I'll stick with Man! Boobs! if it's all the same with you Annie.
ReplyDeleteNever could figure out this twin boulder holders size thang! No two shops are the same, so accommodating one's front bumps is usually left to potluck. A particularly flattering - or so I thought - piece of underwear once earned me the comment "Eh, comedy tits!". Quite. 36C perfectly formed ones at that.
ReplyDeleteAs you say, it depends who measures you. I was convinced for years and years that I was a 36B and had them measured by sales assistants in several stores to prove it. However, when I had a lump scare, the consultant said it was obvious to him that I was wearing the wrong size bra. Cue a visit to a very experienced matronly person at a local department store who pronounced me a 32D. When I poohpoohed the theory, she made me put one on and jump up and down. For the first time ever, I did not black my own eye. Ive been mentally thanking her ever since. And as for everyone being a 34C - if that's the case, then why are 32D's always out of stock at M&S!!!
ReplyDeleteBarbara Ellen said in the Observer this weekend:
ReplyDelete"Isn't it wrong, anti-feminis, in fact, fir us to be laughing at poor men afflicted with moobs? Yes, by golly it is. Is it funny as well? And, after all these years, doesn't revenge taste sweet? You bet it does."
M&S can't measure tits at all. Don't bother with them.
ReplyDeleteMost embarrassing bra shopping experience - going out to get some finery in an upscale shop in Atlanta several months after the birth of my first son (decades ago, okay)and being told i needed to go to the training bra section. Naturally the saleswoman gave directions in a snooty "how dare you dirty the floor of our lingere shop" voice. Completely humiliating. You're supposed to be bigger after giving birth - not shrink away to "AA" nothing-land.
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely getting measured again, a few times if necessary. I'll take a little notepad in to jot down all the different responses I get. That'll shake them up a bit.
ReplyDeleteI should point out that Barbara Ellen didn't make quite as many typos as I did. None, in fact.
I had a girlfriend in college who was a 32F. A quick peruse through your flickr stream indicates that you are no where near that!
ReplyDeleteShe was a small thing and HATED having big boobs, so when she found a Doctor who would say that her back problem was partially caused by her frontal largess, hence ensuring insurance would cover some surgery of the reductive variety, she jumped at the opportunity. She was so happy with the results, said newly reduced, (32 D), mammaries would be displayed to any interested parties! In the flesh,
*Pops in out of the snow for a bit of a warm* Hey lads!What are yee talking about today? Awwwww..yer just talking the piss now.
ReplyDeleteI'd say get them measured again. Mind you in America people that eats lots of chicken and meats that contain female hormones usually have big tits and huge asses.
ReplyDeleteHere they have women with size G or even H for cup size. My size went up a # just after living in usa for 3 mths. I was happy as they were so tiny. My arse got too big tho :(
Move to Holland, you might get taller, they use male hormones in their meats, that's why they're so tall. You'd be a big ass hot mama tall, and with big boobs!
If you ever buy bra's in France, they've got different sizes all together.
Oh, last thing...when you get into your thirties they start sagging, especially if you don't wear a bra or some support. They'll look like gigantic hanging teabags when you turn 40 ;p just kidding. Mind you your arse will sag too. So sad but reality.
Aristotelian theory of gravity :D http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristotelian_theory_of_gravity
or Einstein or Newton, it's all the same, all our tits and arses sag
Blonk of the week, eh?
ReplyDeleteI AM THE CHAMPION, NO TIME FOR LOSERS COZ I AM THE CHAMPION!
Hawhaw.
It's not true that as soon as you hit your 40s you start to sag. All ya gotta do is starting using hand weights - strengthens the muscles and makes one all nice and perky again. ;)
ReplyDelete^^^^^^
ReplyDeleteWot she said! Altho I do pushups, situps and lots of walking to keep everything in shape. My figure is far trimmer and firmer in my 40s than it ever was 20s! However, a good sports bra is essential.
I couldn't comment on a topic I know nothing about but I love your 'Pobol Y Cwm' section. I'm gutted I didn't think of it first.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you have brilliant breasts by the way. Was that the issue?
Am walking around with hands on breasts to "support" them seems I am bra-less.
ReplyDeleteThanks Oshi, I KNEW you would love it! Or at least, I knew you would be the only one who got it. You can use it too if you like, we can be Pobol y Cwm twins.
Please tell me that's pronounced 'Pebbly quim'
ReplyDeleteI just noticed your funky new sidebar. I like that you've chosen the Kelmscott illumination of the Wife of Bath to represent me. I seriously considered using that character as my avatar back when I started the blog. She's a feisty one, that WoB! Married 5 times, offed 'em, kept their money, started her own business, and calls all the shots. What a woman!
ReplyDeleteThat sidebar is way nifty! (And I'm sure your boobies are too, whatever size they turn out to be in various measuring emporiums)
ReplyDeleteI love it when you two bitches post next to each other.
ReplyDeleteCB, the Wife of Bath is the only one of your pal Geoffery's tales I've read, which is why I've always pictured you as her. Now that I've seen you in a bikini though that picture is slightly different.
And Twenty, it's pronounced "Pobbol-uh-coom", or as my friend Kathryn used to say, "Puddle o' Come". It means "People of the Valley" and it's the world's only Welsh-language soap-opera.
Get yourself over to Japan where they warm their hands, wear little white gloves and measure you by the handful. I am two Japanese hands. I suspect your maybe significantly more than this.
ReplyDeleteLa Senza are shite for measuring you correctly! the woman said to me 36B....erm i don't think so! i'm 5ft2 if i had a 36inch back, i would be the michelin mans big brother...
ReplyDeleteget a second opinion!
...And THAT is why I wear too-small, five-year-old bras and generally avoid so-called bust specialists.
ReplyDeleteUgh... bra's can be so difficult! I am one of those people 'blessed' with huge tits... and now while breastfeeding up to a whopping 34G! Yikes.
ReplyDeleteSO anyway having had big tits since I was about 18 (and they've been growing ever since) I've become a bit of a wiz of how to find bras that fit you. The BIG secret (drum roll)is this: The bra should fit snugly in the last hook, if it hikes up in the back or gapes under the breasts ITS TOO BIG! If you suddenly have 4 boobs you need a bigger cup size. If you go down a size around i.e. from a 34 to a 32 you need to take one cupsize bigger as well, and vice versa if you go up a size. I.e. from a 34C to a 32D. Because the cupsizes change with the width. So there you go, no need to be girlhandled in lingerie shops any more (unless you like it that is...)
32F is rather huge, yes. That's even bigger than me, and I thought that I had just about the biggest - and most in the way - [natural] boobs in the world.
ReplyDelete32Fs really are something to be proud of!
i agree with strange pills, 32Fs really are something to be proud of! however you should go for a second measurement i went to a lengerie store to buy some bras and i had gained weight so i had her measure she said i was a 36 B i went to victoria's secret and Turns out im a 34D, and i did end up trying the B to be sure, and that didnt even work, at all....
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Belle