Annie Rhiannon

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Your Questions Answered

Can you really cut one worm in half to make two worms?
No. If you cut one worm in half you get two pieces of dead worm. I know because the kids next door and I did it when we were little. Well, we made Adam do it. At five years old he was the youngest, so he did whatever we asked. He sliced it very carefully down the middle, making sure the two new worms would be equal in length, in case that was the only way it worked. We stood over the two bits, waiting for it to start wriggling again. It bled a little, and we poked it with a twig. Nothing happened.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care. No, but seriously, sex guru Lou Paget writes; "A woman fakes it for three main reasons: 1) she does not want her partner to feel he is not doing a good job; 2) she hopes it will encourage her partner's own orgasm; 3) she assumes she is not going to orgasm, so she fakes it to give a sense of completion to the sexual encounter." Make it your New Year's resolution to stop this. It doesn't teach a guy anything and just ruins things for the rest of us.

What does Twenty Major look like?
Nobody knows, he's entirely anonymous. When I live in Dublin I'll probably bump into him unknowingly in the pub one night — we'll be having a beer and he'll be just dying to tell me, bobbing up and down with excitement and squeezing his knees together like he needs a wee. "It's me! It's me!" he'll want to say. "It's me, Twenty Major, your blogchum!". But he won't be able to in case I shop him to the tabloids and they out him, leaving him jobless, with only a half-baked book deal and one appearance on Richard & Judy to live on for the rest of his life.

Can babies eat pasta?
This is a very popular question; 95% of my readers end up here by Googling this. The answer, according to some commenters, is yes — but they didn't give any details of what kind of pasta or how old the child has to be. Probably not a good idea to serve up spaghetti bolognese. Even I have trouble eating that, and I'll be 27 next month.

Why does he wear my knickers?
For exactly the same reason you wear your knickers: they're silky, they're lacy, they come in all kinds of pretty colours and they make him feel sexy. However, should you ever catch him admiring himself in your once-white now-grey Marks 'n' Sparks cotton briefs with the holes in... that's when you need to start worrying.

25 comments:

  1. Ooh, I just clicked in. And then clicked away for a sec. And then clicked back in, and there was a new post, which seems like the right time to say hello. Hello! But thank you for the answered questions. My cousin and I did the worm-thing too, but ran away before completing our research. I'd been hoping for about 30 years that it/they had maybe survived. Bugger!

    You write like a dream and always make me guffaw with laughter (apart from when you write about unlaughatable things).

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  2. Agreeing with bib's second paragraph here (and the second part of the first, actually) - I always look forward to reading your posts.

    In the past, the fifth question has troubled me, but now I know.

    (Just kidding, dear)

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  3. You really get 2 LIVING worms, unless you cut the little swollen part on its body which is the vital organ.
    I have no opinion about the other issues though :)

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  4. Surely if there's only one little swollen vital organ bit, only one of the new worms can live? I'm intrigued. Get me a shovel, I'm huntin' worm...

    I know this is probably, like, heresy in these post-cosmo days, but surely this 'sex is not complete til you have an orgasm' thing is a very male way of looking at sex? Sometimes I want one, sometimes I'm not bothered, I can still have a great time. Sort of like you can have a great film without a big dramatic explosion or a car chase. Am I strange??

    [word verification - 'ohmmk'. Sound of faking an orgasm?]

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  5. Sorry for squatting your page Annie but I found this on Wikipedia to answer Violet:
    "Earthworms have the facility to replace or replicate lost segments, but this ability varies between species and depends on the extent of the damage. Stephenson (1930) devoted a chapter of his great monograph to this topic, while G.E. Gates spent 10 years studying regeneration in a variety of species, but “because little interest was shown”, Gates (1972) only published a few of his findings that, nevertheless, show it is theoretically possible to grow two whole worms from a bisected specimen in certain species. Gates’s reports included"

    :)

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  6. Ohh, thanks for the links froggie. I guess then, I am talking about red earthworms. I found this on Cathy's Crawly Composters site:

    "Worms have 5 hearts located close to the head. If they are cut in half blood cannot get to rest of the body."

    Also of interest was this:

    "You may have noticed a swollen area about 1/3 the way down the length of some worms. This area is called the Clitellum. The presence of this section signifies that the worm is sexually mature."

    And hello everybody and thank you.

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  7. 95% of your readers arrive here by googling 'can babies eat pasta'? Please direct me to the full and in-depth discussion of this topic, just in case someone ever trusts me with their child (pasta is one of the very few things I can cook).

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  8. 95% may have been slight hyperbole. But here is the post.

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  9. I second BiB's comment. Number 1 reminds me of my 6 year old nephew coming in from the garden, where he had been 'observing' a worm, and saying carefully to my sister 'Something happened to it.' (You have to admire his sophisticated use of the passive voice to get out of being shouted out for worm cruelty.)

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  10. Rolling in the aisle, laughing my ass off!! From both your blog and the comments. Okay-dokey - new blog to stalk! Simply brilliant.

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  11. Some day I'll have to blog about the google searches that lead people to my blog.

    Some people should really be in prison.

    I like your orgasm thing, though. I've never been one to fake. I start getting pretty annoyed once I realize I'm not going to come, and I'm just a big meanie from that point onward. ;)

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  12. Hello Rhian, and Annie, and all these people with ridiculously cool names in my comment box.

    Isabella, don't get me wrong: I spent most of my life faking it. It's just not something I do anymore. I'll blog about it in detail one day. When my parents stop reading.

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  13. It doesn't teach a guy anything and just ruins things for the rest of us.

    *loud applause*

    Please either give him directions or let him know it's not important (that time anyway), don't send him away with a smug look and a crap technique!

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  14. pinkjellybaby29.1.07

    i thought i would come and say hello as you were so nice about my blog...and i LOVE it here! aces

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  15. Dozey29.1.07

    I had to dissect a worm once. I didn't want to, they made me. I actually couldn't find the brain, which is apparently the size of a pin head (I was too busy trying not to vomit). But if its cut in half, the end without a brain won't live. And the end with the brain will only live if its big enough. The length of worm I mean, not the brain.

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  16. EXACTLY!
    I mean to the orgasm thing. I've never been one for faking much. I don't think I could fake once the real thing has been observed anyway. It would just take too much out of me. Plus I have no idea what I look or sound like when I'm having one.

    Loud. Apparently.

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  17. Can I go on the record and say that it's perfectly possible for men to enjoy sex without reaching orgasm themselves.

    Mind you if you then cut them in two they will bleed profusely.

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  18. Faking isn't fair, because us, males, can't do it haha

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  19. And the award for the best blog comment ever goes to:

    Eolaí gan Fhéile

    for:

    ..it's perfectly possible for men to enjoy sex without reaching orgasm themselves.

    Mind you if you then cut them in two they will bleed profusely.

    Thanks for all of the important information, Annie. I can sleep tonight, secure in the knowledge of having learned something significant today.

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  20. I always thought Earthworms were hermaphrodites (excuse the spelling). Therefore they never have to fake orgasms for partners, and being largely assexual are allowed to wear male and female undergarments without scrutiny. Now, if only I can find some evidence that a baby worm has a fondness for Penne with carbonara sauce, then I can combine most of your questions into a single, admittedly earthwormy, answer!

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  21. Living with someone who is an expert worm composter, I can verify that Cathy's Crawler website (Cathy, coincidentally, being located close to us in Toronto) likely refers only to composting worms (red wigglers), which are different from regular earthworms. So maybe you aren't a murderess.

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  22. Occasionally, and I stress that word, fake orgasms are a godsend.

    Sometimes (and I don't know if you ladies know this...) we are absolutely shattered and just want to go to sleep, once we hear/feel the orgasm (real OR fake) - that's the signal for us to finally stop, and either:-

    a) Roll over and pass out.
    b) Get dressed and get the taxi home.

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  23. There should be a section in all blog awards ceremonies for "best comments".

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  24. Have you ever tried to cut Twenty Major in half?
    I plan to do this to all my fellow bloggers before the year 2000 as a 2YK sacrifice of sorts.

    There should be an award for strangest comment to be pitied award.

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  25. Only with my razor-sharp wit. It didn't work.

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