Annie Rhiannon

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Toothbrush School

Toothbrush school is a nightmare. And nothing like "school", I might add. I thought there'd be a room full of us, all oral-hygiene delinquents, and I'd get away with sitting at the back of the class, sulkily etching my initials into the desk.

But no, it was just me, back on The Chair, with a different dentist poking around my mouth this time, stabbing at my gums with her little knife, marvelling at how much blood there was. I was terrified. I'd hoped for a reassuring cuddle perhaps, but she didn't offer, just carried on slicing my gums open while I lay there trying not to shake the chair too much.

After intently studying Jack Bauer's tactics for so long I'm pretty certain I could resist all kinds of torture. I reckon I could keep many a government secret to myself, even if you pulled my fingernails off one by one, or de-alphabetised my DVD collection while I watched, helpless, strapped to a chair.

But having your diseased gums sliced open is a different matter; I've never felt pain like it. The ginger-vitis is so bad, apparently, that they want to remove four of my teeth. Four teeth! That seems quite a lot. Although they told me the damage can be reversed, provided I stop drinking Appelsín*, start flossing, and learn to love a medicated toothpaste that coats my mouth with papier-mâché.

Needless to say, there wasn't much snogging going on in Cali. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, insisting there to be "no kissing on the mouth".

*Appelsín: Icelandic Fanta. There's no apples in it, just lots and lots of sugar.

15 comments:

  1. Marcia2.12.06

    You poor thing! I certainly empathize! I dread going to the dentist! When he has to drill (ugh what a horrible word), he always has to give me extra numbing and then has to wait like about a half hour before I can bear to be touched!

    You have a knack, Annie, for giving scary things (and other things) a funny twist! Can you psych yourself that way?

    Perhaps if I read your blog before going to the dentist, I could laugh my way through the checkup? ..No, regretfully, I don't think so. But I'll keep reading your blog anyway. :)

    Take care and feel better.

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  2. Poor, poor Annie. Do I ever feel for you, vinkona. :-(

    Hard to tell whether it's just a funny coincidence or the Jungian collective unconscious at work, but as I sat down to read your blog, I was flossing my teeth.

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  3. I was going to ask how Toothbrush School was going...Oh it sounds dreadful! Those evil dentists. Four teeth is a lot to have removed, i think i would have nightmares too. Just floss for your life Annie before it's too late!

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  4. Thank you for your kind words. I have to go back again this week for more torture-resistance training.

    People, please, floss! Floss like the wind! Be thee not as stupid as me. Brush your teeth three times and day and floss twice a day. Use mouthwash. Smile.

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  5. "I reckon I could keep many a government secret to myself, even if you pulled my fingernails off one by one, or de-alphabetised my DVD collection while I watched, helpless, strapped to a chair."

    Ah, the ultimate torture of the anal-retentive. Brilliant!

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  6. Oh ouch! I hate dental procedures.
    Hope it gets better and you get back to snogging soon.

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  7. boy do I sympathise. I've been through a dentist horror myself and it seems I'm about to start it all over again. In two weeks I'm going to have a root canal ONCE AGAIN with the same tooth because the idiot of the dentist decided to save up some money on me and used some cheap material that is turning my tooth yellow! Needless to say it's the front one. No more smiling for the next six months or so.

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  8. When me was wee I was sent to the dentist for a check-up...

    Your first teeth are stopping your adult teeth from growing, he said.

    Mmmmmmph, said I, through his fingers.

    I'll have to take eight of them out, said he.

    MMMMMMMMMMPPPPPHHHH?, I said, my eyes rolling hysterically, as the needle went in.

    I'll do six now and you can come back next week and I'll do the other two then, he said, reaching for the pliers.

    Mmmmmmmppph.... mmmppphhhhhh, mmmppphhhhhh.... I said to the bus conductor, through the wad of bloody cotton wool that was all that remained of my mouth, as I paid my fare home.

    Dentists... where do I begin...

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  9. Ha, six now with two to look forward to. Why not just get them all over with in one go?!

    I have to make an appointment for my next "class" but I'm too scared. Going to wait til the disease has cleared up a bit more, I think.

    I'm flossing like mad.

    Nina, you never smiled in photos anyway!

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  10. Do you get to choose which four teeth are removed?

    Or is it kind of like a lottery?

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  11. Curly, you crack me up.

    It's the four back ones. I don't need them, apparently.

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  12. You ask.... "Ha, six now with two to look forward to. Why not just get them all over with in one go?!"


    Er, because the guy was a dentist? QED?

    Or, to let him off the hook, perhaps by the time he'd done that many there was too much blood awash in my gob for him to be able to see where to put the pliers next?

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  13. I love my new dentist. She's so professional, yet sweet. 'Oh I know flossing is really hard' she sympathised and also told me about my special jaw mis-alignment which no one had ever mentioned before. Shame I can't remember what it was called.

    'You probably think it feels normal to eat like that' she said a little sadly. What, you mean normal people have teeth that meet?

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  14. Oh Truculent, I have to say I was surprised when you told me about your strange jaw. Surely all horses have that problem though, no? But I was very sad when you told me you couldn't eat pizza because your teeth don't reach. But at least the teeth you do have are strong and white and disease-free.

    Conan, I understand about all that blood! They were supposed to teach me how to floss on my first visit to Toothbrush School, but couldn't because there was so much blood. I was like, um, surely you shouldn't have sliced my gums open with your little knife then?

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  15. Anonymous31.3.07

    Hey has anyone heard of a sight called checkthechecker.com it has alot of athome oppertunities for what ever your looking for.

    ReplyDelete

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