Bjarni's finally coming home from America on Saturday and we're going to spend the holiday here with his family in Iceland, which I'm very much looking forward to. Although, seems Icelanders don't drink on Christmas Day, this'll be my first sober Christmas since I was 12.
I'm especially looking forward to spending some three-dimensional time with my cariad again – there's only so much that MSN can do for us, hey. Although, Bjarni has upgraded me to something called "Skype Sex" now, which—given that I'm a bit frigid—mostly finds me hiding under the bed, peeking out every so often to see if there's anything interesting going on.
I'm tempted to demand he wear something really, really uncomfortable for his entire journey back over here, like a leather thong, or a straitjacket perhaps. Just like when I went to visit him last month and he suggested I travel "in a really short skirt and no knickers", so that he could "have his way with me" as soon as I landed in Cali.
Um, a short skirt and no knickers on a transatlantic flight? As if! I find flying stressful enough as it is, thanks, without having to worry about my Britney bulging out.
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Bulging out? Have you been at the steroids again, luv?
ReplyDeleteYou should get him to wear one of those donkey thongs. You can get them on eBay and they're very uncomfortable to wear under clothing.
ReplyDeleteSo I hear.
Speaking from experience Kav ?
ReplyDeleteIf you want Bjarni to be really uncomfortable why not make HIM wear the short skirt and no knickers on the flight home?
ReplyDeleteYes, instant messaging is a bit special like that, isn't it? Then you actually arrive at the airport and it's all polite 'hi, how was your flight?'-ing and worrying about how rubbish your hair looks. Or maybe that's just me.
ReplyDeleteExactly Patroclus! That's how I am too.
ReplyDeleteSwearing lady, I put "bulging" into thesaurus.com before posting to see if there was a better word, but "billowing" and "sagging" worked even less.
I'm afraid of what would happen should I suggest the skirt-sans-knickers combo to Bjarni, actually.
Yes, if he wanted you to endure a bulging Britney, then he should have to wear leather (I bet "pleather" would be even more uncomfortable). You should at least suggest it.
ReplyDeleteAs my parents stopped drinking when they found Jesus, all holidays are booze-free. It's very hard. I've taken two days off after Christmas to do a little catching up.
Not at all John. My, ahem, friend told me.
ReplyDeleteno drink on christmas - you'll never cope. Maybe you could hide a bottle of whiskey in the donkey thong and take secret sips when necessary.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't you drink when you were 12?
ReplyDeleteWas the snow so heavy that year that no booze could be brought in? I shudder at the thought of that happening this year.
Hey baby, would you mind wearing a short skirt and no knickers to meet me at the airport? And heels?
ReplyDeleteThat would be great.
Thanks!
I think it's called an arab strap, kav. And there's a Scottish band named after it. I think they're called Arab Strap, or is it Belle & Sebastian? One or the other.
ReplyDelete"... my Britney bulging out."
ReplyDeleteI lol´d
For Bjarni's flight might I suggest the Men's long Victorian corset available at Stormy Leathers right there in S.F.
ReplyDeleteThat'll learn him.
Another great post that made me laugh aloud!
ReplyDeleteI'm interested to know what an Icelandic christmas is like? Let us know!
You can wear what you like when you come to see us!
ReplyDeleteWe won't notice.
I am very upset that Skype Sex has no Welsh-language option...
ReplyDeleteAlso, in my day, young lady, we had to use a phone for long-distance sexin'. Kids these days with their fancy cybersex...
GO with the thong.
ReplyDeleteNot only is it uncomfortable, but it raises a lot of disturbing questions. ;)
Steve~
Welsh language option? Skype sex? I don't use the sound actually. I'm too shy. So I just keep MSN open too.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I haven't figured out how to turn the microphone off yet, so Bjarni's always like, "pfft! I can hear you typing!"
You flew to Cali, Columbia?
ReplyDeleteHilarious post, Annie. Hope you have a fabulous Icelandic Christmas -- I can't even begin to imagine it.
ReplyDeleteNo Joseph, I flew to Cali, Cali.
ReplyDeleteHello la fille mariée, thank you, and welcome.
A frigid ginger?? How's it possible??
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Babes!
Annie, are you ever going to do another blonkpost?
ReplyDeleteAfter all this time of seeing yer name on yer blog it clicked, shit i'm slow some times, very clever.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year to you too Isabella! And Thusday, I blonked again. Sorry but I was in lo-tech Snowdonia and then even lower-techier Ireland.
ReplyDeleteKnudsen, I'm not sure what you mean? Am confused.