I'm rubbish at buying presents. A couple of years ago I made each of my relations a mix-CD for Christmas — which may have seemed cheap of me, but had they considered my freelance design rate and how much bloody time all the cover art took I reckon they're worth a small fortune. Well, it probably was cheap of me, I did use quite a lot of "clip-art", after all.
This year I'm going to do better, starting with Bjarni. I have no idea what to get him so I'm asking around for advice. One colleague tells me she's bought her man "a date for every month". Which sounds beautiful at first—cinema tickets for February, a trip to a summerhouse in July—but on second thoughts it's a bit of a major commitment, isn't it? Although, she is married to him and expecting his second child, so that's probably alright.
The most difficult person to buy for is the Most Generous Girl in the School. As you can probably tell from her name, she can be quite generous. It was she, for example, who gave me Rabbit last birthday. How can you top the gift of seventeen orgasms in one night? It's imposs.
Speaking of which, I've ordered a teenage sex-guide for my 15 year-old cousin in Croydon, called Living With a Willy: The Inside Story. Some of my colleagues said it might be a bit much for him to open in front of his grandmother on Christmas Day. But considering that a) there's not a chance it'll arrive on time and b) his grandmother happens to be my mother, I don't really think it'll be a problem.
Absolutely everyone else is getting a pot of Icelandic reindeer paté. It's delicious. Oh, except Truculent, of course, who'll get some lash-curling mascara instead. Horses don't eat reindeer, see.
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Oh Annie...Living With A Willy? I can barely type I'm laughing so hard...er..fnarrr.
ReplyDeleteDo you think I could borrow it when he's done?
I hope you send your cousin some provocative magazines to go with his instruction book and tell him if he plays with it too much he'll end up looking like me.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with all your gift-getting, Annie! I've got to get started soon, and must remember that time doesn't stop just because I don't want to face the crowds.
ReplyDeleteLiving with a Willy looks great, according to the reviews. I bet your cousin will appreciate it.
No suggestions for the Most Generous Girl - how the hell DO you top a Rabbit?
Did all the Christmas shopping today. New personal best time of 23 minutes and 15 seconds.
ReplyDeleteWould have been even faster if the silly mare in the queue in front of me in the bookshop hadn't cost me precious seconds by asking questions about authors and crap like that.
You may deduce from this that I don't really like shopping, and that would indeed be true.
But next year I may blow my record apart by emulating your one-prize-fits-all policy. Reindeer pate, though. Not easy to lay your mits on in Dublin, sadly.
Please could I have some Brennivin (?) as well as the pate?
ReplyDeleteI've been inspired by the first name of my better half, and am busy writing the follow-up to Living With A Willy: Living With A Johnny. Living with a willy's but the first step; it's when you find out what to do with it the real trouble starts.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what I got people this year. I did all my shopping last summer, and all the pressies are in my bueaureau drawer back at my folks'. It'll be just as much a surprise to me when I open the drawer to wrap them as it will be for my fam when they unwrap them.
ReplyDeleteFor the Pirate, I crocheted him a scarf from some gorgeous, high-quality wool I found in a fiber shop near his home. I've never seen him wear a scarf. I hope that means he needs one, rather than he doesn't like them.
What you ought to do is get married, and have your wife take care of those types of things.
ReplyDeleteOh, hang on a second...
Hey you. thanks for the tremendous party at the weekend and sharing your house again with another errant Brit. Man! Bonne chance avec les cadeaux, but in God´s name don´t try to buy climbing mitts for anyone...
ReplyDeletesee you in Stykkis-somewhere soon!
Magazine subscriptions are always a great present I find. Or for people I don't really know too well, a bottle of champagne with a couple of nice flutes always goes down well
ReplyDeleteAlthough this year I'm buying Rabbits for everybody. And I do mean everybody.
(LC - can't login to comment, stupid new Blogger)
Devin, Devin, it's a bit late for that, hey.
ReplyDeleteLupa, I'll bring Brennivin back too — though I don't know why seems whenever we drink it everybody just talks about how horrible it is.
Chaucer's, you and The Most Organised Girl in the School are one and the same. I think she might even find her presents in the January sales. Madness.
Hello Country Mouse, glad you got out of the town okay. Yes, it was a tremendous weekend, even the techno bits!
LC, I was thinking of asking for a magazine subscription for Christmas but I never got round to it, so now I'll get a scarf instead. Which will also be nice, but not very interesting to look at on the toilet.
Your dad will be pleased with the Rabbit, hey.
But I really like Brennivin, and it means more for me if no one else drinks it.
ReplyDeleteooh, i hope i'm on LC's Christmas list.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it should be mandatory to buy everyone on your blog-roll a Christmas gift.
ReplyDeleteWow. You are the best cousin in the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm knitting things for people this year. My favorite item is the condom cozy. I've made one for each of my (straight) girlfriends. Takes about an hour, and the yarn's cheap. The laughs are priceless.
I love brennivín! I shall help lupa drink it while you naysayers consume pineapple breezers or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'll have you know I'm insanely jealous to hear you had techno bits without me this weekend.
The techno was brief. It was a little loud for Country Mouse's delicate ears. And anyway I was hammered. How did you know about the Pineapple Breezers?
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if a "condom cozy" is to keep your willy or your condom warm.
Keeps condoms snug as a bug until ready to use.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing about Iceland keeps changing in your profile - I'm not sure what to do there anymore.
ReplyDeleteJust drink Choco-milk and eat hard-fish, or whatever it was.
ooh - a 'best things about Iceland' calendar. I'd be happy with that for christmas.
ReplyDeleteHmm, actually it only changed twice. I really had to ask myself, what IS the best thing about living in Iceland? Milk produced from real chocolate cows, or dried fish?
ReplyDeleteThe chocolate cows won.
Mary, you old soak! You can have the half bottle i left in fridge x
ReplyDeleteOne date a month is a major commitment?? Pffffff!
ReplyDelete