I'm now of the four-eyed variety, having finally made it to a doctor for an eye test last week. Yes, I'm short-sighted, he confirmed it when I couldn't even read the top row of his Helvetica pyramid, and promptly wrote me a subscription for a pair of super-strength glasses.
It's a relief to be able to see again. And my friends are especially relieved. It means they can all stop playing that classic game "Can you read that sign over there? What about that one?" every time we go out downtown.
Even so, wearing glasses is a bit discombobulating. Everything might be in focus, but it all seems just that little bit further away. Is it really? Or is this an optical illusion? What if I wanted to touch somebody? Where would they be? This needs a test. A woman approaches me, so I reach out and--very gently--grab onto her left breast. "Ooh!" she squeals, jumping backwards a step. Hmm. Now she really is further away.
Glasses, I reckon, are going to take some getting used to.
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LMAO!
ReplyDeleteI swear I need glasses but everytime I go to have my eyes checked they tell me I have perfect vision.
Honestly, I'm just a good guesser.
I've always wanted glasses..
Good you can see again!
Joining in the LOLlercoaster ride too.
ReplyDeleteBravo, AR!
Do super-strength glasses for the short-sighted make your eyes look very large, or very small?
ReplyDeleteBoth entertaining looks.
Oh, the lollercoaster! Curly you are too cute. Let me just grab my lollerskates.
ReplyDeleteI am a good guesser too Isabella, I mean, the top one is always A, isn't it? And then the next one is always E. But after that I got stuck, and it turned out that the top one wasn't A after all.
I haven't checked which size my eyes go, but I'm about to. Of course I am hoping "very large", it's more attractive.
I like the idea of grabbing breasts and then blaming it on one's new glasses. Mental note to purchase glasses...
ReplyDeleteI like the way you write about the simple things.
ReplyDelete"...it all seems just that little bit further away. Is it really?"
ReplyDeleteTed: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These (pointing to plastic cows on table) are very small; those (pointing at cows in field) are far away...
If you ever need right breast confirmation just let me know.That is vital information to have and I won't sleep easy until we have that vital data.
ReplyDeleteLucky you. If I grabbed (even gently) a coworker's breast I'd be lucky if I only got the pepper spray. That sort of thing is generally frowned on in the workplace. Iceland sounds nice.
ReplyDeletePS. In addition to the whole being able to see thing, glasses can be exceedingly sexy. And they make you taller, look down...see how far away your feet are?
oh oh... i break glasses on regular basis. basketball etc.
ReplyDeletenow i wear contact, easier but more hassle :( can't win. should have the eyes laser fixed instead.
Oh good, Treespotter, someone new to discuss the pros and cons of contact lenses with, seems all my friends are sick of talking about it. In what way are the contacts hassle? And have you ever had one slip round the back of your eyeball? I'm a bit worried I won't be able to use them because I can't even open my eyes under water without squealing like a girl.
ReplyDeleteNice quote Footman, being compared to Father Dougal first thing in the morning always kick-starts my day.
Coho, hi, yes, Iceland is nice, the waterfalls, the mountains, the gentle breast grabbing...
I was picturing you as more of a monocle user Annie. There aren't enough monocle-wearers these days.
ReplyDeleteCome play with us Annie.
ReplyDeleteForever
And ever
And ev...
Where the fuck are you, by the way?
I was just over at your place actually Lady, gushing over the Times piece about you along with everyone else.
ReplyDeleteKav, a monocle, yes, that might work, as apparently my eyes are different strengths. Although I'd have to get two of them.
I'm shortsighted as well but only started wearing glasses and contacts full time this time last year - I used to put them on just when the bus was coming or in the darkness of the cinema where nobody could see me.
ReplyDeleteIt all stemmed from having to wear darina allen jamjar ones when I was in primary school - I never got over the shame:(
Until a couple of years ago i wore glasses for reading and stuff but when i went to get tested, the optician took great pleasure in announcing that i no longer needed my (beautiful, fabulous) glasses anymore.
ReplyDeleteI was devestated.
I loved my frames and they scored points with boys when i seductively removed them. I felt both sexy and intelligent in my frames.. ooh they were the days!
I'm sure you will take the same pleasure from wearing glasses!
Annie, I think a lorgnette would be your style. I had to get glasses fairly recently too. I still can't get used to them and I can't read anything near me with them on, which is sooo annoying.
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem! What to do, what to do? Will our eyes just get used to them eventually or do I have to keep taking them on and off when I look from my screen to the door? If I was wearing contact lenses then I wouldn't be able to do this, so presumably I'll end up being able to focus on close-up stuff with them on. But does that mean I'll be totally blind without them all the time then? Oh, Conan Drumm, this is confusing and depressing.
ReplyDeleteI leave mine off all the time. The only time I definitely put them on is when I go to a movie and then they annoy the shit out of me because I can see the frame outline in my line of sight, no matter what I do... grrrrrrr. I suggest wear them as little as possible, it'll keep yer eye bits tuned up and working to spec...
ReplyDeleteIf you can't poke yourself in the eye without cringing, I wouldn't wear contacts, if I were you.
ReplyDeleteI have glasses, myself. Contacts give me the heebie-jeebies. Even watching eye drop commercials makes my eyes tear up. Yuck.
No, I've never dared to touch my eyeball, so I don't think contacts are really an option.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, Truculent Horse says it's a bit like using Tampax: at first it seems like there's no way you'll ever get it in, but you soon get used to it.
Hmmm, maybe you would get used to them, but aren't you still struggling to swallow pain killers than aren't carefully hidden in bananas?!!
ReplyDeleteOh mate, I haven't hidden a painkiller in a banana for YEARS! Although yes, it still is a bit of a struggle getting it down.
ReplyDeleteLOL. When I was over last month and you struggled with the pain killers I assumed it was because you were needing a banana to stick them in - it didn't really occur to me, until now, that it was just because you were hungover!!!
ReplyDeleteOh God Annie, as if you didn't get enough attention about the glasses the whole time that I (glasses and contacts expert) was visiting! I just don't know how I survived without ANY attention or ANYONE to ask when I was given them at the age of seven. Being called Four-eyes doesn't really count as attention.
ReplyDeleteThey do look very cute though. You'll have to update all your photos by sticking them on in Photoshop.
No! I was just really really sick. I mean, on a normal day I can swallow whole multi-vitamin tablets and they are MASSIVE.
ReplyDeleteTruculent, you had your parents to advise you, I am an orphan over here. That's why my parents named me "Annie".
Truculent Horse is right. It's exactly like Tampax. I mean contact lenses of course. You'll get there. Get used to your glasses first. So I guess I won't recognize you at Kaffibarinn when I'll finally get there...I just can't picture you wearing glasses. Where are the photos??
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Four-Eyed society. You might want to give contacts a go, but I'd get used to the glasses first. Otherwise, you won't be grabbing boobs; you'll be throwing up.
ReplyDeleteBack in the day when I was a young teenage girl, it was not getting the Tampax in that was the problem, it was getting it out. Nowadays they have slim, ittie-bittie little tampons for young girls, but all we had was something that could have been used to stop blood flow from a major artery. Add a day of swimming, and it took a hell of a lot of courage to yank that puppy out.
ReplyDeleteI didn't wear Tampax until I was 21. For some reason I was just never able to get it in. Which is strange, considering all the other things that fit.
ReplyDeleteNo photos of new glasses until my hair has grown back! And anyway, I'm going to splash out on some nice frames in America. Until then I just have rubbish ones from the chemist. There was a choice of two styles.
I was 12. And after that behemoth tampon, everything fit. Jesus, losing my virginity to a tampon.
ReplyDeleteYou're coming to California, right? Lenscrafters will have the best selection of frames. If you bring your glasses prescription with you, they can knock you out a new pair in under 2 hours (as long as you'll settle for plastic lenses, and not real glass). If you don't have your prescription with you, expect to pay through the nose for an eye exam.
Yes, yes I am, and very excited about it too. I will check out Lenscrafters, thanks for the tip. Although I might also just get them at the airport this side if I see something I like.
ReplyDeletewell, contacts are a bit hassle since you need to take them off at nights (i'm really bad and i don't take em off every night, it's not exactly safe but so far i've no problems). It's a bit of a hassle if you're drunk and want to go to sleep right away, or right after very heavy passionate sex and you've to run back top drop them things instead of rolling over to your side and sleep right away.
ReplyDeletei also don't use my contact in the water at all, swimming, shower etc. i know people who do tho.
been wearing them for more than five years, and so far without complaints. i still keep my glasses and wear them when i can't be arsed to put the contacts on. maybe you should try, just so you've the choice.
no it never slipped behind eyeballs etc. except don't drop it in the sink, it's the hardest thing to look for lost contacts when you don't have your glasses around :D
Thanks for the tip - next time I have the urge to grab a woman's breast I'll just pretend I'm short sighted (damn the lazer operation 5 years ago - no wander I dont get any girls anymore!)
ReplyDeleteRegards, the beautiful lesbian
Yes, I have heard complaints about lenses and being drunk. Including one particularly funny one from Truculent Horse who came home from the pub not realising she'd already taken them out and tried to "peel off her irises". Ew.
ReplyDeleteA month in the sun, BL, and you'll have the girls hammering at the door, elskan. xxx