My new favourite hobby—next to blogging and flossing my teeth—is recording passenger plane crashes from around the world in my diary. This means I can a) predict when the next crash might be and cunningly avoid it, and b) jot something down in my diary other than "Period Due".
I haven't been doing much partying in recent months, it has to be said, or anything particularly scandalous at all. With the exception of one crazy weekend of exhausting Irish relatives, all I've been up to is working on some new writing projects—a short film script, huzzah, and a bit of blogging for Iceland Express—and counting down the days til I go to America to see my cariad again.
Oh, but the flight over there is already beginning to trouble me. Can I really sit for 7 hours straight in the brace position? Unfortunately, the crashes I've recorded so far don't seem to be revealing any particular pattern. Although I suppose that could be because I've only managed to jot down two since my new favourite hobby began.
Well, I'm just going to have to drink copious amounts of brandy, reminding myself that Iceland–San Francisco probably isn't the most popular route for terrorists and/or a crate full of deadly, writhing snakes, after all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
archive
- August 2011 (1)
- July 2011 (2)
- June 2011 (15)
- May 2011 (9)
- April 2011 (19)
- March 2011 (19)
- February 2011 (17)
- January 2011 (2)
- December 2010 (2)
- November 2010 (1)
- October 2010 (3)
- September 2010 (2)
- July 2010 (3)
- June 2010 (3)
- April 2010 (1)
- February 2010 (2)
- January 2010 (2)
- September 2009 (1)
- August 2009 (4)
- July 2009 (4)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (8)
- April 2009 (11)
- March 2009 (12)
- February 2009 (9)
- January 2009 (4)
- December 2008 (10)
- November 2008 (27)
- October 2008 (21)
- September 2008 (12)
- August 2008 (9)
- July 2008 (11)
- June 2008 (5)
- May 2008 (5)
- April 2008 (12)
- March 2008 (10)
- February 2008 (11)
- January 2008 (15)
- December 2007 (10)
- November 2007 (9)
- October 2007 (3)
- September 2007 (9)
- August 2007 (8)
- July 2007 (10)
- June 2007 (13)
- May 2007 (14)
- April 2007 (11)
- March 2007 (11)
- February 2007 (12)
- January 2007 (9)
- December 2006 (4)
- November 2006 (10)
- October 2006 (8)
- September 2006 (12)
- August 2006 (19)
- July 2006 (22)
- June 2006 (7)
- May 2006 (25)
- April 2006 (18)
- March 2006 (5)
- April 2004 (1)
- November 1998 (1)
- March 1980 (1)
exhausting irish relatives? now i know u dont mean me, annie.. lol
ReplyDeletei dont get why people are still afraid of flying. statistically it is easily the safest form of transport...
I would prefer the writhing snakes or even at a pinch the full blown downing to flying ever again with Ryanair - basically you would be better off walking than using this dismal excuse for an air service. I write period due in my office diary by the way. It bothers people like Linda my hairy office manageress and Jenny my sexy junior.
ReplyDeleteYou know those lights above head with the always-on NO SMOKING logo (although everything's NO SMOKING all the time) and the FASTEN SEATBELTS logo (although they really want you to fasten seatbelts at all times as well). Why don't they get a PERIOD DUE one? Or a THIS ONE'S A TERRORIST sign?
ReplyDeleteIf I'm not mistaken, the Iceland-Frisco route is the massive angry bison with poison-tipped horns route.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have periods. My diary just has people's birthdays in and when I had a day off work. Dull, dull, dull.
ReplyDeleteHmmm..I was going to do another Air and Scare but you seem to be doing a good job of it without me:)
ReplyDeleteAlways try and get a seat near the tail.
It's where most survivors are seated.
What's a "cariad"? Is it anything like a giant squid? I ate lots of squid in Japan. Yummy yummy squid.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure it's only 7 hours from Iceland to SF?? I didn't realize Iceland was so close to NY.. ??
ReplyDeleteI dont like flying.
ReplyDeleteI dont worry about crashing or anything like that. The pain in my ears and the front of my head makes me feel like I am being tortured.
hi annie. everyone should be like me - why fly - it only took just over 4 days to get to iceland by boat in july. not much longer than 7 hours?
ReplyDeleteGod almighty, Annie. I thought you were some sort of creative person! Do as I do and put fictional appointments into your diary, like Email M over plans to abort Operation Sub-Saharan Ostrich.
ReplyDeleteAhem. Xanax. And liquor. And someone to meet you at the other end and carry you off the plane.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the crashing you have to worry about, it's the being cooped up for 7 hours with a plane load of germy people and not much air.
I have been known to wear medical-grade face masks on planes, which has the added bonus effect of keeping people away from you, and people asking you inane questions.
You can sip your liquor through a stretegically placed straw, in case you were wondering.
Your flight to SF will be fine. I am surprised with Isabella Snow, that it's only 7hrs from Iceland to SF...that's good news.
ReplyDeleteShane: I know, I know! But please don't give me any car crash statistics to back this up with, it'll only make me scared of flying.
ReplyDeleteHi Mutley the dog, and welcome. Aren't you a bloke?
Devin, write another Air 'n' Scare, go on! The "Giant turkeys hit aeroplane windscreen and almost cause crash" one was brilliant. I almost thought you were having us on til I saw the pics.
Thom: "Cariad" means "love" or "boyfriend/girlfriend" in Welsh, pronounced "kar-yad". Roll that R.
Isabella & Mimi, I think it's around 7 hours to Minneapolis, then I have to get off and change to another flight. Which is bound to be FULL of terrorists etc.
Dad, four days by boat from the UK to Iceland would mean what, four weeks from here to Cali? No thanks.
Everybody else: lolz, and points noted.
Shane: I meant "scared of driving", obviously I'm already scared of flying.
ReplyDeleteDear Annie, I am fretful and in anguish over your new hobby - will this reviel my chances of survival for my upcoming 22 hour flight from UK - Sydney? What are the going rates for that? Can I buy a chinese porcelan dog for good luck and therefore increase my chances of survival? Please advise, and also if it is better for survival (on average) to sit on the right side of the plane or the left.
ReplyDeleteThe beautiful, fretful, lesbian
Sitting in the brace position for seven hours is a small price to pay for getting to go to my Favourite Place in the Whole World, with or without a cariad at the end of it. I'm so envious -I love San Francisco. Even though I've only actually ever spent one weekend there. And to Fat Sparrow's point, I caught some horrid illness (well, a cold) on the flight back.
ReplyDeleteBon voyage and all that. If it all goes wrong, set the snakes on the terrorists and hope for the best.
take a book, a good one, I recommend 'The Summer Book', that is if you have not read it already.
ReplyDeleteOr can you take a book now? During the recent emergency they stopped people taking books on board.
But maybe not from Iceland.
And don't get drunk, they might not let you travel.
Lupa, I won't get drunk until I'm well and truly on the plane, and even then it will only be a few glamorous sips of brandy. Why did they stop books? That sounds absurd. What damage can you possibly do with a book?
ReplyDeleteDear Beautiful Fretful Lesbian,
Yes, you can buy a Chinese porcelain dog for good luck, therefore increasing your chances of survival, but you won't be able to take it on board.
Annie xxx
Are there any of those American military folks left on Iceland? I'd ensure the flight steers clear of Keflavik, the yanks haven't got the best record with regards to keeping friendly aircraft away from their missiles.
ReplyDeleteNo, they've all gone. I can't steer clear of Keflavik anyway, that's where the plane takes off.
ReplyDeleteOh alright then...Air and Scare III is up at mine.Just for my newest Number One fan (You don't happen to have a sledgehammer do you?...just asking like)
ReplyDeleteSo when is the next predicted air crash? And I'm glad I am not the only one who records "period due" in their daily runner. I hope you have a very safe flight, and make sure to bring warm clothes, because I remember staying awake for most of a nine hour flight due to chills! And! Either be drunken on the flight or make sure the people next to you won't be... ugh, drunken British men, I will never forget them.
ReplyDeleteWhat damage can you do with a book? Books are full of ideas that might not coincide with the ideas of the people who hired the security goons. People who feel the need to hire security goons are not usually of an open-minded, free-thinking bent.
ReplyDeleteOr, the book could be hollowed out and filled with grass. Hey, that's an idea...
I'm not reading Air & Scare III until I know it has a happy ending. Obviously YOU survived, but what about the passengers?
ReplyDeleteDylan & Coho, thanks for the tips...warm clothes, yes; hollowed out book full of grass, no.
annie: It's safe to look at - it's more of a scary perspective than anything else.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, you may find this useful. Have fun!
"How to survive a plane crash by the BBC". Thanks Kav. Great.
ReplyDeleteI saw that BBC programme - it recommended sitting over the wings, as apparently that's the strongest part of the plane. The expert cheerily went on to say that was because of the huge amounts of fuel sloshing around nearby. I'd sit near the back and drink a lot, personally...
ReplyDeleteYou need a book, preferably one written before planes were invented... mmm, and not science fiction... oh I know, bring a copy of the Koran... every plane should have one (along with a Bible, the Torah and the Bardo Thodol).
ReplyDeleteHow about 10 mg of Ambien?It has the added benefit of curing jetlag too.
ReplyDeleteOf course if you get less than 7 or 8 hours of sleep you'll have just enough short term memory loss to be amusing to your friends.
Just heard your BBC interview btw.You were Mahvellous dahling Mwaah.
Annie's in America. Somehow she avoided any and all plane crashes on the way.
ReplyDeleteNot only has she made it to America, she's already mastered the art of over-tipping and mocking the locals! :-)
Thanks for the update. I have been obsessing over the flights since I received the 'I love you, good bye (for now)' text message from the plane!
ReplyDeleteYou guys have a wonderful week xxx
I got here in one piece! Flight was entirely uneventful, just long and tedious. Now it's 4am (somewhere, here I think) and I'm wide awake of course.
ReplyDeleteSo, so happy though!
Mate, you were right, my phone doesn't work here. Sorry about the dramatic text message, I'd had quite a lot of wine by that point.
Devin, thank you dahhhling. I thought of you as we flew over the Golden Gate bridge. I think it was that bridge anyway, it was difficult to see though, it was dark.
The funny thing is than SF is further from Washington than Iceland is.
ReplyDeleteAaaaand I'm sure you're leaping to pull out the atlas now.
I only just realised that Washington state and Washington DC aren't the same thing. America is confusing, it's too big. I think all countries should be made to re-size to approximately the size of places like Iceland, Ireland, and Wales. That's what I'm used to.
ReplyDelete