Annie Rhiannon

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Yoga

I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing? Yes, this is another tale of taking up a new activity and being rubbish at it. I've been detoxing for the past week, which basically means eating seeds and being really moody and anti-social. And taking every available class at the gym, including something called "yoga".

Well, to start with, I kept toppling over. Even when I was "doing the cobra", which is quite possibly the easiest yogic position of all — a bit like lying flat on the ground really. And then I farted while I was "doing the frog", which, if you've ever "done the frog", you will understand is not the most discreet position to do this in. It just seemed to come of nowhere! Actually, that's not true. It seemed to come directly out of my arse.

After we'd finished the toppling-over bit we moved onto "the relaxing bit". Mmm, I thought, this'll be nice, as the teacher softly encouraged us to "empty our minds". Of course, my mind immediately filled up with all kinds of shit. Whether any of my family will die before I get a chance to see them again; the way I offended a very good friend of mine the other day; the stupid fight I instigated with Bjarni before he left; my imaginary screenplay that refuses to write itself; the way I just let one rip in yoga class.

Luckily, "the relaxing bit" was over quite quickly, because the next thing I knew the lights were all really bright and the teacher was gently shaking my shoulder and saying "vake up, vake up, class is over, you can vake up now."

So, yoga. I toppled over a lot, farted, experienced mild paranoia, and then crashed out. I would've been better off going downtown on Saturday night and getting absolutely wasted, I reckon.

18 comments:

  1. Hey - yoga takes some getting used to. After a few classes, you´ll get the positions, enjoy the relaxing and feel lots better afterwards.

    The farting thing does not go away though. That´s why I don´t do yoga anymore...

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  2. Was it a very loud fart?

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  3. Welcome to wonderful world of yoga. We've all farted, fallen over and fallen asleep. Hopefully it wasn't too smelly, you didn't crush anyone, and you didn't snore.

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  4. I didn't realise everybody farted in yoga class. I thought it was just me. How come I didn't hear anyone else do it then? Maybe they have developed a special way of making sure they are silent.

    Yes Twenty, it was very loud. Everybody heard it, even the people doing Body Combat in the next room, I should think.

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  5. Congrats on the detox. I'm not an expert on yoga but farting is quite a common sideeffect of detox you know.

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  6. mothermary19.9.06

    you will walk taller and feel lighter after yoga.
    Don't worry about the farting, I never remember you being bothered about it when you were younger!

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  7. I expect the locals fart in a different accent to you, Annie.

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  8. I can relate. Last spring at training camp in italy I was in a room doing stretching and core stability with a bunch of elite italian rowers, and i let the biggest fart ever while sitting on the linoleum floor. The whole room echoed. I'm a great ambassador for British rowing!

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  9. How funny!
    Well done for detoxing, i have tried to do it but just became too moody. Detox made me a horrible person, so it's better for everyone that i continue to drink wine and eat fizzy cola bottles.

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  10. You'll feel better after you've seen this:
    http://www.ejbdotcom.net/content/14592.html

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  11. Yes Twenty, it was very loud. Everybody heard it, even the people doing Body Combat in the next room, I should think.

    Good. Just checking.

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  12. Well yeah, of course it was loud. If it hadn't have been loud I could have easily ignored it and passed it off as someone else's by waving my hand in front of my nose and looking scornfully at the girl next to me.

    I think detox is making me a horrible person too. Next week I'll give the fizzy cola bottle diet a try.

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  13. Anonymous20.9.06

    I'm laughing too hard to make a decent comment.

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  14. Faux pas? No prob.

    For any similar problem, the solution is the fists-in-the-air Championship Victory pose, expressing your mastery of the situation, while simultaneously grinning and being sheepish with the face.

    It doesn't matter what you've just done, as long as you're certain that everybody's noticed anyway.

    It takes some finesse to emote that, yes, you won!11, while also emoting that you aren't REALLY proud of having done it. A little pride in your own victory over the faux pas is OK though. A little gleam in the eye maybe.

    Also, you can't have an empty mind if you haven't done your best to clear it and take care of things. Make a plan for visiting your relatives NOW! NOW NOW NOW! while you remember it. Plans are made in different times than actions are taken. Plans are made when you have the sheer fortune of being conscious of what needs to be planned.

    You can do it. Now now.

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  15. Anonymous20.9.06

    Yeah, that's just the way it goes. We all do it at one point or another. (Did you ever see the jackass skit about this? probably on youtube. Hilarious.)

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  16. I like the victory idea. I would like to say I'll try it next time, although I think I'll be too shy.

    As for the empty mind, you're right of course. But how can anybody ever clear their minds? I can't sort all my problems out right before yoga class each time. Hmm.

    Never saw the jackass skit, no. God I hope my arse in yoga never ends up on YouTube.

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  18. Anonymous5.5.10

    I've been making fun of people who fart in yoga class and wondering how they can show their faces again. Tonight, I became one of those unfortunate souls and needed some consolation by searching out fellow farting yogis. Reading your blog made me laugh so hard that it all seems okay now. Thank you.

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