Welsh Celebrities

One of the most important things I've learnt about my home country since living abroad is that nobody knows fuck all about us. While every other tiny nation has some great celebs out there flying the flag — Björk for Iceland, Sinead O’Bonkers for Ireland etc — famous Welsh people tend to be either not very famous at all or else everybody presumes they’re English.

Catherine Zeta Jones
Famous for marrying her great-grandfather’s best mate, Catherine Zeta-Beta-How’s-Your-Father Jones really is Welsh, despite her exotic European looks and ridiculous Hollywood accent. She has proved it too, by naming her children “Carys and Dylan” and by refusing to lose any more weight than is absolutely necessary.

Ryan Giggs
This is the one all the Icelanders know, being a nation of Manchester United supporters — as is every other part of the world except Manchester itself. Poor Ryan chose to play for his native Wales as a young teenager when he didn’t think he’d ever have a chance of playing for the England squad. I bet he’s kicking himself now. Or maybe not, considering their performance in the last World Cup.

Charlotte Church
God love Charlotte Church. The “Voice of an Angel” child star turned insatiable party girl. Famous for drinking beer and eating crisps, being the only British popstar who can actually sing, and threatening to thump the disgusting Cheryl Tweedy in the face. “Listen darlin’,” she warned her. “When you can sing Ave Maria, then you can come and have a go at me about music.” Bring it on.

Mary Quant
Inventor of the mini-skirt, still highly fashionable in her hometown of Swansea, whatever the weather.

Tom Jones & Shirley Bassey
I’m putting them in the same category as I know / care little about them except that they are both Welsh and famous.

Carol Vorderman
And finally ... sexy and intelligent Carol is one of the few celebrities from the rural North Wales, which means she speaks fluent Welsh. Hooray. A mathematical genius and entertainer of thousands of students across Britain, all sitting around in their pyjamas scratching their balls and watching Countdown when they should be, uh, still in bed.