Left-handed people are so fucking annoying, aren't they?
Nearly my whole family are lefties — as are most of my friends — and every single one of them thinks they're something special, you know, walking around jotting things down with the wrong hand. My mate Raggi is not only left-handed, but red-haired as well. Put that on top of Being An Icelander and you have The Most Special Person in the World.
Is my left-envy obvious? I've always wanted to be one of them, admittedly. And I have tried. But I can't even change channels on the TV with my left hand, never mind smack the pony (uh, I mean, "write the alphabet").
So, I'm in the process of starting a secret gang for right-handers who've always possessed the alleged "creative" qualities of a lefty, whilst also able to write an entire shopping list without smudging the ink.
I'm still figuring out how the secret hand-shake is going to work.
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The handshake would be shaking hands with the right -- docking the hands without looking, to prove right-hand skill -- and then raising the left hand up in a sort of vertical salute, to prove the absence of shopping-list ink.
ReplyDeleteHow did I come up with such a brilliant secret handshake?
I'm left-handed.
Wait a minute! Isn't that how you always shake hands, Krilli?
ReplyDelete(I'm also left-handed.)
My Mother and girlfriend are lefties and I fuckin hate the two of them. So, yes lefties are annoying. My girlfriend makes a big song & dance of pointing out any cool people who turn out to be left handed and jotting them down on her mental list for future shit stirring. I'm so in your club if you'll have me. Do we get to kill lefties? or at least injure their hands?
ReplyDeleteI'll not have you speak ill of red hair though. Red hair is kick ass. Is it looked fondly upon in Iceland? I must go there if so 'cause it's like havin the fuckin plague in Ireland.
I too am a ginger so I can say anything I like about it. Yeah, it's like the plague in Wales also. Here it's just fine to have it, but it's still the most special hair colour of them all. Which is nice.
ReplyDeleteMy flat-mate is a bit like your girlfriend, I think.
Undercover righty. Don't tell! It's a friendship mission.
ReplyDeleteniolk: I love red hair. My favorite niece has red hair, she's awesome. Also, both me and dad have red beards.
I'm a leftie, and speaking on behalf of all of us I would like to say that I resent the implications leveled upon us entirely. I would appreciate it if you could see fit to take back what you have said about our group. We are a sizable bunch, and we have our rights.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to a response.
Cordially,
a Lefty
I'm with Gauti and if you don't comply we'll punch you with our ace left-hooks. I once knocked out my sister's boyfriend (a policeman no less) after his invite to punch him - he forgot I was left-handed.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere that, compared to normal human beings, left-handed people are 73.8% more likely to murder children. This figure rises to 98.3% if they are also ginger.
ReplyDeleteI think they should be rounded up and put into camps.
lc - doesn't your icon show that you have red hair? I would also like to point out that, despite attempts to stamp us out with ducking and the like, we are alive and well and increasing in numbers.
ReplyDeleteThe "smudging the ink" problem is greatly overstated. Several million right-handed Arabs write from right to left, after all.
ReplyDeleteGauti, you "have your rights", yes, right where you want us. Are you the same Gauti whose house Eavan and I visited some years ago? If so, have you done the dishes yet?
ReplyDeleteAnother leftie, don't they write from the bottom up too though? I think it makes a difference.
In Bradford anything in any way different was ruthlessly oppressed. Hence my ginger left-handed web-toed triple-nosed friend wasn't as popular as she might have been in say, Iceland.
ReplyDeleteI am a righty and my hair is medium to average brown. I hold a pencil funny though.
ReplyDeleteDoes this make me 'special'?
Your specialness makes you special, Eavan.
ReplyDeleteThe English word "left" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "lyft" which means "weak" or "useless". Similarly, the French word for left, "gauche", is also used to mean "awkward" or "tactless". Also, sinistra, the Latin word from which the English word "sinister" was derived, means "left"
ReplyDeleteI have been known to be awkward, tactless and sinister.... but at least I am a left-handed person along with Rocky Balboa and John McClane.
The thing is, "awkward, tactless and sinister" all sound much cooler than "ordinary".
ReplyDelete