Annie Rhiannon

Monday, July 17, 2006

American boyfriends

Yanks do romance better than anyone else in the world, even more so than the, uh, Romans.

This is because Americans have No Shame Whatsoever, so aren't afraid to drop the macho stuff and be completely cheesy every so often. I spent a blissful 9 months with my half-yank being showered in gifts, mini-breaks, champagne, ice cream with chocolate sauce and nuts etc on it, and dinners at expensive candlelit restaurants. I don't think I ever actually got the cuddly toy, but that's because he was sensitive enough to realise that I'd much prefer a bottle of Polish mead.

Yanks are also far more open to Talking About Feelings — unlike Icelanders who are crap at it outside of the Trúnó, and British people who outrightly refuse to do it at all. This means that if your American boyfriend thinks you look "hot" (yes, they really call it that) he'll actually tell you it before he tries to have sex with you. But if you really need a hug and a chat, then you can have that too — and not just for as long as it takes you to stop self-obsessing and start sucking, but genuinely just for as long as you need.

American guys also understand the concept of "dating". In fact, I think they might have invented it. A British date consists of going to the pub until midnight and then stumbling home for some crap sex. An Icelandic date consists of going out drinking until 6am and then stumbling home and falling asleep. But an American will take you out for dinner and a movie, getting comfortably tipsy on a nice bottle of Rioja, before going back to his place for great sex on crisp white sheets. I don't know why Yanks are Great In Bed, considering their apparent issues with the naked human body, but it's true.

I recommend that every girl samples an American boyfriend at least once before she dies.

13 comments:

  1. Funny, I lived in Chile for 2 years and the guy I dated there told me all about how great it was to have an American girlfriend. I never realized we Americans were such a hot commodity on the international dating scene. Here in the US we're a dime a dozen ;)

    I found your blog a few weeks ago and I've been laughing a lot since then!

    ReplyDelete

  2. I like the sound of an Icelandic date. They sound like my kind of people.

    You didn't mention the Welsh way of dating...

    Necking a few pints of Brains, hopping in your land-rover, driving to the fields and chasing a few of your 'girlfriends' around until you're exhausted.

    ReplyDelete

  3. You're now officially forgiven for that entry on lefties.

    ReplyDelete

  4. I'm hoping my next American boyfriend is going to be David Byrne. Even though he was born in Scotland.

    ReplyDelete

  5. Clearly you've never had an Irishman my dear. Once you try a mick you'll never go..uh...bick. The list of an Irishmans traits is a veritable checklist of womens wants:

    -No feelings. Check
    -So pale we're invisible in snow. Check.
    -Ugly yet overconfidant. Check.
    -Small penis. Check.
    -Libido that vanishes with ones own sexual gratification. Check.
    -Believe we're better than everyone yet hate ourselves. Check.
    -Chip on shoulder over our checkered history which we will discuss with you at length despite your protests. Check.

    The list goes on. Add to that that recent surveys show the Irish to have the most sexual partners of any country in Europe and the highest rate of unprotected sex and how could you not want one.

    ReplyDelete

  6. I love the "once you've had mick..." analogy, very funny. But I lived in Galway, I've had plenty of Irish, so know all about your checklist.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Truculent Horse17.7.06

    I have never even kissed a Yank! That is my next project.

    Sorry Niolk, weren´t the Irish 10th in the world? And also outdone by several other European countries, including Iceland, which came a very impressive fourth.

    However, recent surveys did show the Irish to have the lowest IQ in Europe.

    Don´t tell anyone.

    ReplyDelete

  8. I'm American. I dated a yank. (Of course, I didn't call him yank. He was just a guy.) And he was an asshole. If assholes was the olympics, he was a gold medal winner.

    I moved to England. I met lots of lovely men. All of whom know what a proper date should be like, several of whom can and do talk about their feelings, and a couple of whom even fancy/fancied me. Yanks are over-rated. The dating scene is MUCH better here. (But perhaps being an American woman makes me a hotter comodity here than at home?)

    ReplyDelete

  9. Nope. We were top of the list according to my newspaper Truculent. We were lower down on the how OFTEN we have sex list which I think the Greeks topped. But apparently the few times we do it we do it with lots o' different people.

    and again I'd have to challenge you on your information about the national IQ as well. The last international IQ survey I read had us ahead of several european countries. I find it hard to believe we'd have dropped that far that fast.

    ReplyDelete

  10. Oh, it's all relevant though isn't it? I'm sure Americans aren't exotic AT ALL in America.

    Niolk, I'm sure Horse is right. She is The Authority On Irish Statistics, after all.

    ReplyDelete

  11. It's all relevant Annie! This is this, as the fella once said.

    However, I'll bow to your wisdom. My meagre IQ can't stand up to this kind of debate.

    ReplyDelete

  12. american girls also count!

    ReplyDelete

  13. I have never dated an American Woman, but seems they've had a song written about them I'm sure they must also be fab.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)